


it's you and me (and all of the people)

by BookPirate



Series: we were both young (when i first saw you) [1]
Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-12 22:38:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4497387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookPirate/pseuds/BookPirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You're the stupidest person I've ever met, and I know Wick," Raven says as she picks her wrench back up and starts tightening the bolts on whatever the hunk of metal is in front of her.</p><p>Ignoring Wick's indignant huff, Clarke frowns. "What do you mean?"</p><p>"You've probably been in love with him since you learned what love was, stupid. Everyone can see it except you two idiots."</p><p>OR</p><p>That one where Clarke, Octavia, and Bellamy grow up together</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. growing up (is hard to do)

**Author's Note:**

> This turned out WAY longer than I thought it would so I have to break it up so I don't lose my mind with the endless page of text I've been writing. I've really wanted to do a fic like this for a long time so I'm happy I've finally done it. Basically Bellamy and Clarke grow up together and everyone's like 'oh you're so in love' and they're like 'no we're not' but then are like 'shit we aRE?' I'm a sucker for those types of things it's a real problem.
> 
> Title from 'You and Me' by Lifehouse
> 
> (ugh I love naming my fics after lines in songs that's another addiction I face. oh well, it could be crack.)

Clarke Griffin is five when she meets Bellamy and Octavia Blake. Clarke and her parents have just moved into a nice suburb right outside Chicago, and are greeting their new neighbors at the property line that divides the houses. She's used to the loud noises of the city, and the way the buildings seem to crowd the streets, not yards and trees and no fences. The only way to tell where her house's yard ends and the Blakes' begin is a few rose bushes.

Looking back on it, she doesn't remember the way her parents greeted Aurora Blake and her children, what was said, or even really how she looked that day. All Clarke remembers is the fierce brown eyes of Bellamy, and how he seemed so grown up, even though he's really only three years older than her. She remembers his serious face, and Octavia's bright smile, illuminating her chubby cheeks and making her hazel eyes shine.

They're inseparable after that. It helps that Bellamy and Clarke are going to the same school (Octavia is two years younger and goes to a daycare instead), and Aurora and her dad decide carpooling is easier than both of them trying to get their kids to the same place everyday. Jake drives them to school on his way to work and Aurora picks them up between her jobs. When her parents learn she works two jobs, Octavia and Bellamy come over to her house every day after school until eight when Aurora gets back from her second job. So Bellamy helps her with her homework and she helps him practice for the soccer team by kicking around the ball in her backyard, Octavia watching from the sidelines and cheering on the both of them.

On Saturdays Aurora has Clarke over because her mom is Chief of Staff at the big hospital in the suburb and Jake often takes weekend trips to the center of the city where the engineering lab he works at has its headquarters. Aurora always bakes cookies for them on Saturdays and she and Octavia always get caught trying to have more. She loves her mom and dad, she really does, but she loves Aurora, too, because Aurora is all warm smiles and hugs, and treats Clarke like she's older than her age. She also teaches Clarke how to make some simple Filipino dishes that her husband had taught her before he passed away, and Clarke swears she's never had anything better.

The next few years are spent like this, chasing each other around their yards in the summer on the Slip n' Slide and in the winter with snowballs. When Octavia starts at the elementary school, Bellamy's already leaving for middle school, so Clarke makes sure Octavia is happy and doing well, just like Bellamy used to do for her. Except now Bellamy thinks he's too cool to hang out with Clarke and his little sister, which makes Clarke mad.

"You're a meanie," she tells him when she's eight. She and Octavia are kicking the soccer ball back and forth, but Bellamy's refusing to play.

Bellamy just shrugs. "I don't hang out with babies, sorry, Clarke."

Octavia just scowls and shouts something at him in Tagalog, which they both know (and Clarke is trying to learn), but Clarke kicks the ball and aims high. She's hoping to hit him in the chest but ends up hitting him in the face. She's a little proud of herself until she sees the blood. Bellamy is howling and crying (though later he swears he wasn't, but Clarke knows the truth) and then she's crying too and Octavia's running to get Aunt Abby (because it's never been Mrs. or Mr. Griffin to the Blakes).

Bellamy's nose isn't broken, so Clarke only gets grounded for a week instead of longer, but that's the beginning of the rift between her and one of her best friends. He doesn't talk to her more than he has to, and Clarke spends all of her time with Octavia, or by herself. She starts learning how to draw and learns she's pretty good at it, so she takes art classes on Saturdays instead of spending the whole day with the Blakes. Aurora asks if she's okay one day, and if she wants to come over Sunday instead. She feels too guilty about just abandoning Octavia on the weekends (because Octavia doesn't really have many friends outside of Clarke), so she does, and it turns out Bellamy's started playing soccer on Sundays, so it all works out.

(She's probably happier than she should be that Bellamy is out of the house on Sundays after a while, because he's definitely hitting puberty and she's definitely noticing. It causes a weird flutter in her stomach when she thinks about it, so she tries not to.)

It's the hardest when Clarke starts middle school because she knows absolutely no one. She's always had Octavia and used to have Bellamy so she never really felt the need to get out much. Her first few months are pretty lonely but then she meets Wells Jaha, and suddenly she's not so alone anymore. He's her friend in a way Bellamy never really was, someone she thinks is more than just a friend, but he's her brother, too. They get along really well, and her mom is pretty happy about it, because it turns out Wells' dad is the new Chief of Surgery at the hospital she works at. The Jaha-Griffins become pretty close, and Wells hangs out with Clarke and Octavia after school now. Bellamy never comes over now that he's in high school and can stay home by himself, but Octavia still does and Clarke is happy to have two best friends again.

When Octavia finally comes to middle school, Clarke feels like she's on top of the world and that things are really good, because not only are her friends with her now but her art is also getting put up in the hallways of the school, and her dad is always telling her how proud he is. But everything comes to a standstill when Aurora gets sick.

Her mom is the one to break it to Clarke one day, saying Aurora hadn't been feeling well for a while, and finally Abby and Jake had persuaded her to get some tests done. She has cancer, and it's not good.

Bellamy's 16 and starts acting out at school while Octavia cries in Clarke's arms pretty frequently. Abby promises everyone she's working as hard as she can to help Aurora get better, but it's not enough, and a few months later, Aurora passes away in her sleep. Octavia clings to Clarke and Bellamy cries when he thinks no one is looking. After the admittedly small funeral, Jake and Abby sit the three kids down and explain that Aurora had wanted them to take care of her children. Octavia had told Clarke she was afraid she and Bellamy would get taken away, so when she cries this time, it's out of relief, especially because this means Octavia and Clarke will share a room.

After they've moved in to Clarke's house, she knocks on his bedroom door (or what used to be Jake's office).

Bellamy opens it, and his eyes are red, so Clarke knows he's been crying. Without saying anything, she pulls him into a hug. After a beat or two he hugs back, squeezing so hard Clarke can't breathe properly. But that's okay, because she misses Aurora but she also misses _him_ , and he's right here. She starts to cry a little bit, and, judging from the wetness in her hair, he starts to cry, too.

"I'm so sorry, Bell," she says, the first words she's spoken to him in a while.

He sniffs and pulls back. "Me, too, princess."

Things are a little better between them after that. They're not best friends again but they're definitely something. He hangs out with her and Octavia again, sometimes with Wells and sometimes with his friend on the soccer team, Nathan Miller (who is so quiet it seems like he only talks when he's losing a video game or when he's angry at a referee), and sometimes with all five of them. They go out for pizza after Bellamy's team plays a game, whether they've won or not. Jake also gifts his three kids (because Octavia and Bellamy don't have a dad so they've always been his) a Game Cube so they also play Mario Kart until their fingers cramp from holding the controllers for so long.

So things are going good by the time she starts high school. She's got Wells with her, and she knows Miller and Bellamy (who are both juniors, because Miller's a year younger than Bellamy, and Bellamy ended up having to repeat his sophomore year), so she's doing okay friend-wise. She draws cartoons for the high school newspaper and sits with her three friends at lunch. Things are pretty good and steady, and Clarke ends up joining the girl's soccer team, because she's gotten pretty good after helping Bellamy and Octavia practice. She's pretty busy after that, but she still makes time for Octavia, and the pizza and Mario Karts are still a bi-weekly thing, so she feels she's handling high school pretty well.

The friendship with Bellamy that's been slowly mending since his mother's death is getting stronger every day. They're both on the high school's soccer teams, so they spend a lot of time with each other. They start practicing behind her house again, and flop down onto the lawn when they get tired, talking about what's going on in their lives. He helps her with her with her homework and she helps him with math, and when the time comes, college applications. They're close again, and she loves it. He's still not like Wells, who is definitely what she would want in a brother, but he's better than a best friend, still. She doesn't know what to label it, so she doesn't.

He's Bellamy, and he's her person, just like she's his.


	2. High School Never Ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter tile from Bowling for Soup's song of the same name

Her first year goes by without incident. She meets people, sure, but she's never felt like she needed a large group of friends to be happy. She likes the ones she's got, and she doesn't feel a real need to branch out.

The next year, however, she meets Finn Collins. He's from Indiana but transferred to their high school when his parents decided they wanted to live near Chicago, after his dad got a promotion at the company he works at. He's pretty cute (although not as cute as Bellamy), a year older, and thinks she's pretty, so Clarke says yes when he asks if she wants to see a movie with him. Octavia is thrilled and helps her pick out her date outfit. Wells and Bellamy distrust him at first, but Wells comes around eventually. Bellamy doesn't, however, and it makes lunch awkward when Finn starts to sit with them. He's silent and watchful of every move Finn makes, causing Miller to roll his eyes and Wells to fight laughing.

Her first kiss with him is nice. It's not as magical as movies and books made it seem, but it's still nice. They make-out under the bleachers after soccer practice and he buys her chocolates. It's a pretty sweet deal, until three months later, when his girlfriend from Indiana transfers to their high school.

Clarke is standing and talking with Finn at her locker after class when this beautiful brunette leaps at Finn. "Finn!" she cries happily.

"Raven!" He wraps his arms around her and shoots Clarke a look.

"Um." Her brain is working fast, trying to figure out who this Raven is.

Raven turns around and gives Clarke a huge smile. "Oh! I'm so sorry. I'm Raven," she holds out her hand, "Finn's girlfriend."

Clarke clenches her teeth and glares at Finn. "Girlfriend? You have a girlfriend?"

Raven looks between the two of them. "Wait, who're you?"

"Clarke," she answers curtly, "his apparently _other_ girlfriend."

"Did he tell you he was in a relationship?" Raven demands angrily.

"No! I wouldn't've ever went out with him if I knew!" she spits back, glaring at Finn, who looks like he wants the ground to swallow him up. "What the fuck?"

"I can explain?" Finn tries.

Clarke kicks him, hard, in the shins. He yelps in pain and falls over.

"I can't believe you, asshole!" Raven shouts. "I convinced my drunk of a mother to pick up and move to fucking Illinois for you!"

"I thought I broke up with you!" Finn tries again as he slowly stands up. "I told you it was great being with you and that I'd miss you!"

"That's not a way to break-up with someone!" Clarke interjects. "How does that sound like a break-up statement?"

"Thank you!" Raven looks at her. "I like you. What's your name?"

"Clarke," she supplies. "I like you, too. You deserve better."

"You, too." Raven says with the hint of a smile.

"Hey!" Finn is indignant, but Raven turns to him with a scowl.

"You don't get to talk," she says, before she punches him.

Clarke can hear the crunch of cartilage and smiles in satisfaction when Finn's nose starts bleeding. He curses as he tries to pinch his nose, holding himself up with an arm propped against the row of lockers behind them.

"What's going on here?" Wells demands as he breaks through the crowd of people that have surrounded them.

"Finn cheated on me," Clarke starts, "or, well, he cheated on his girlfriend with _me_."

"And you punched him?" Wells sounds amazed.

"No, I kicked him." Clarke gestures to Raven. "Raven punched him."

"Nice." He holds his hand out to Raven. "I'm glad to meet you. My name's Wells, and I'm sorry your boyfriend is a dick."

"Nice to meet you," she says as she shakes his hand.

"We should probably go, though," he points out. "We're still on school grounds."

"Shit!" Wells grabs Clarke's hand, and she grabs Raven's, and then they make a break for the doors together.

No one tries to stop them, so they're out of breath but unscathed as they make their way to Bellamy and his car. Jake and Abby had given it to him on his 17th birthday, so Clarke never had to ride the bus for the rest of Bellamy's high school career.

He's leaning against the trunk of it, chatting to Miller, when he spots them sprinting for him. "What the fuck?" he asks as they get closer.

"You guys okay?" Miller asks concerned.

"Talk about it later, but Raven and I need to go," Clarke pants. "Right?"

"Yeah." Raven nods, only slightly less out of breath than Clarke. "My mom dropped me off. I was counting on Finn to give me a ride back."

"Finn?" Bellamy's eyebrows go up.

"Later! Now drive!" She pushes him towards the driver's door and opens the passenger's side for herself as Raven climbs in the back. "Bye, Miller! Bye, Wells! See you tomorrow!"

Once they're out of the parking lot Bellamy turns towards Clarke. "So, want to tell me about it? Did you kill somebody?"

"We should've," Raven growls from the backseat.

Bellamy raises an eyebrow at that, so Clarke tells him what's happened. His knuckles are gripping the steering wheel tightly by the time she's done. "I knew he was a little shit."

"Shut up, Bellamy," Clarke snaps as she leans against her door and shuts her eyes. She feels the tears piling up behind her eyelids but doesn't want to cry in front of Raven, because, really, Raven's the one with the short end of the stick here.

"Hey, you okay?" Raven asks from the backseat. "I know I don't know you, but the way you kicked Finn was pretty cool, and you stuck by me, so you seem pretty awesome. You definitely deserve better than his stupid ass."

She chokes out a laugh as she turns to look at the other girl. "How are you doing better than me right now?"

Raven shrugs and leans back. "I wasn't surprised, really. I mean, we grew up together, and we've been dating for three years, ever since we started high school, so I know him pretty well. I was just hoping he was better than that."

"You deserve better than him, too, you know," Clarke says. She reaches behind her and links fingers with Raven. "We should probably be best friends now."

Raven laughs. "Probably."

Bellamy clears his throat. "You both deserve better, if you ask me."

"Thanks, Bell." Clarke smiles at him, and feels better already.

The next day Finn is sporting a limp and two black eyes, instead of just the one Raven had given him. His eyes comically widen when he sees them coming down the hall, and he runs off like a scared rabbit. After laughing heartily at that, Clarke turns to Wells. "Who gave him the other black eye?"

"Bellamy," he responds easily. "He didn't tell you?"

"No." Clarke gnaws on her lower lip, thinking about it.

At lunch she asks Bellamy what happened. He shifts in his seat, and looks uncomfortable. "Just looking out for you, princess."

"Am I correct in assuming you're also the reason he went running when he saw Raven and me?" she asks.

He clears his throat. "I _may_ have hinted that if he approached you again, his balls would be the next things to be punched."

Clarke throws her arms around him, says "My hero," and laughs when he blushes.

Raven snaps into her life pretty effortlessly after that. She joins the bi-weekly pizza and Mario Kart nights, and manages to beat them all at it. Octavia especially appreciates having another girlfriend, and Raven sleeps over pretty frequently. Clarke doesn't push, but she's got an idea that her mom is pretty absent. It's clear that Raven is a genius, though, and she manages to fix the clunker Jake loves so much but that's just been sitting in the garage so he can actually drive it again.

"We're keeping her," he declares, wrapping her up in a hug. Raven looks like she has no idea what to do with the situation, but appreciates it just the same.

Raven is also how Clarke learns she's bi, because, while she still thinks Bellamy is insanely hot, so is Raven, and if Raven seemed into it, she'd be willing to make-out with her, but Raven seems pretty straight, and also Raven is so awesome she doesn't want to mess up this new friendship.

Soon enough Miller and Bellamy are graduating, and Octavia, Abby, Jake, and Clarke are all cheering as loud as they can as the boys cross the stage to receive their diplomas. There is a large group hug, and Abby is on the verge of tears.

Jake shakes his hand afterwards. "Congratulations, son. Your mom would be so proud," he says, and then it's Bellamy who's on the verge of tears.

He's only going to UIC, which is maybe an hour and a half away. He's going to be dorming, though, so he's moving out at the end of the summer. They make the most of the summer, playing soccer in the backyard and playing video games when he's not working at the library like he has every summer since he was 14. It's a good summer, and Clarke is afraid it's never going to be that good again.

After he and Miller (who is also going to UIC) leave, it seems like there's a hole in the group. It's hardest on Octavia, who is having trouble branching out and making new friends.

"What're you going to do when we're gone, O? Raven's leaving next year, and the year after Wells and I will be gone, too," Clarke reminds her.

"Ugh, don't remind me," Octavia groans as she flops face first onto her bed. She and Clarke decided to still share a room, just so Bellamy would always have a place to stay. "I'll figure something out."

"I'm just saying, maybe you should join a club or something. I know you're joining the team, but maybe you should do something else, too," Clarke says as she finishes up the remnants of her math homework.

"You do the newspaper but you haven't made any other friends," Octavia points out.

"Yeah but I still have you guys. You need at least one friend to finish out high school with." Clarke puts her stuff away and climbs into bed. "Just one club, O, come on."

"Fine." Octavia dives under the covers, too. "I'll think about it."

She ends up joining the karate club, and is surprisingly good at it. She teaches Clarke and Raven basic self defense moves, and they're impressed with how quickly she's picked it up. She has an agility that is noticeable on the soccer field, too.

"I'm telling you, Bell, it's fucking crazy. I feel like O could kill a man with her bare hands," she tells him on one of their Skype calls. Octavia is currently at the club, and her mom and dad aren't home yet.

"Couldn't she already?" He laughs. "Can't you?"

"No, I'd need a scalpel," she jokes. "When are you coming home?"

"Probably not 'til Thanksgiving." He sighs. "It's been busy lately."

"It's okay," she reassures him, "we understand."

But it's still hard on her. She misses Miller, sure, but she misses Bellamy more than she anticipated. She thinks she misses him more than Octavia, which makes her feel weird, so she doesn't tell anyone.

By March Raven announces while they're playing a non-Mario Kart video game that she's going to the Illinois Institute of Technology, and that Clarke should, too.

"Why would I go there?" Clarke asks, amused.

"Because it's down the road from UIC but I got a _much_ better deal from them. Also they're willing to let me do a five-year mechanical/aerospace engineering bachelor's/master's degree," she says as she mashes the A button on her controller. "Ha! You're dead."

Clarke tosses her controller onto the couch. "I still can't believe you're doing that. That sounds _insane_."

"It's cool. That way I've got the building and smashing stuff down, but I also get to tell people I'm a rocket scientist." Raven turns off the gaming system. "Seriously, though, think about it. I'm going to get an apartment instead of dorming because it's cheaper, so you could live with me and have a cat." 

Clarke's eyes widen. "A cat?" She's always wanted one, but Abby is horribly allergic, so they've never had so much as a hamster. 

"We'd have to name him Gizmo, though," Raven says. "My only condition." 

"That's a fucking stupid name, but okay." 

Raven graduates and then moves almost immediately to start an internship she's lined up with one of the professors at the college. Neither Miller nor Bellamy come back that summer, either, because they both have jobs, too, so it's just Octavia, Clarke, and Wells that summer, and then that year. It's nice, but they all feel a little sad remembering the times past. 

That year is also the year that things go south between Clarke and her mother. They've never been as close as Clarke and her dad have been, but it starts to get bad. Octavia hides in their room when she and Abby go at it. It starts, as all things do, with school. 

"Why don't you want me to go to IIT, mom? It's a good school, and they've got a good pre-med program!" Clarke crosses her arms over her chest. She wishes her dad was home, but it was one of the weekends where he went into the city. 

"You can do better, Clarke! I can pull some strings at Brown or Harvard and have you go there. Wouldn't you like it there?" Abby demands. 

"I don't _know_ anybody there! It's so far, and all my friends are here! Why do you want me to move so badly? Is it personal?" Clarke spits out angrily.

Abby slams her hands down on the table. "Of course not, that's absolutely ridiculous, Clarke! I just want the best for you! And the best isn't here! You'll make new friends!" 

"I don't want new friends!" Clarke screams. "And what you think is the best is what would've been best for _you_. And, sorry to disappoint, but I'm not you! IIT has a women's soccer team that I could join, I'm going to get good scholarships! And, ultimately, it's not your decision to make, so back off!" 

Abby stills, and presses her lips together in a thin line. After a moment of silence, where Clarke is just glaring at her mother, Abby speaks. "It is my decision, Clarke. If I'm paying for it, I'm deciding where you go." 

Clarke can't believe what she's hearing. "Dad won't let you do this!" She storms out of the kitchen. "I hate you." She makes sure she slams the front door behind her as she breaks into a jog. She'll run for as long as she's still mad, so it'll be a while before she makes it home. 

As it turns out, Jake won't openly disagree with his wife so, even though they do spend the better part of three hours arguing softly in their bedroom, ultimately the decision is made. If they're paying for it, they choose the college. 

Clarke is furious, and it shows. She's brutal on the soccer field, and refuses to be home for longer than it takes to sleep. Octavia is torn, not wanting to shun the only parents she's had since she was ten, but at the same time, Clarke is her best friend, and needs her. They spend hours driving around the town, avoiding going home. Once, they try to surprise Bellamy, but it doesn't go well. 

They ring the doorbell to his apartment obnoxiously until he opens the door, looking disheveled and distracted. "Who the hell- O? Clarke?" 

"Surprise!" They shout gleefully pushing past him into the apartment. 

"Wait, shit -" He tries to stop them, but before he can, someone else does. 

"Bellamy, sweetie, who is it?" a voice calls out, definitely from the direction of the bedroom. "I'm getting lonely." 

Octavia and Clarke turn to him with wide eyes and the three of them freeze, until Clarke has the sense of mind to pull Octavia from the apartment. "Sorry for interrupting," she manages to get out before they're out the door and onto the street. 

"Wait! O, Clarke! Shit -" They hear him trying to stop them but they keep going, not speaking until they're safely on the highway again. 

"Can I just say, ewwwwwwww," Octavia says as she scrunches up her face in disgust. 

"Yeah, ew," Clarke echoes, even though there's something else in the pit of her stomach, churning and making her feel ill. "Let's just go home." 

Bellamy tries to call and text her several times the following week, but for some reason she ignores it. Instead, she drives to see Raven on the next Thursday night, because she misses her and wants to talk in person. Raven texts her that she's in one of the lab buildings, so Clarke gets to see a bit of the school she wants to go to. It's weirdly square, but green and small enough that she doesn't feel claustrophobic. Fuck her mom, she's going here. 

"Clarke!" Raven waves as she stands, propping the door of one of the buildings that are labeled engineering blocks. 

Clarke rushes up and catches her friend in a hug. "Oh, I missed you!" 

"Me, too," Raven says as she smacks a kiss to Clarke's head. "Now, come and tell me what's bothering you." 

So, Clarke sits on one of the metal tables in the large room is working on and tells her about the issues she's having with her mom. Raven nods and listens as she tinkers with a hunk of metal that may or may not be a plane engine. "So, anyway, now it looks like I have to go to Brown. Or Harvard, if Wells' uncle is still on the board." 

Raven sighs and puts down the wrench she's been using to wrestle with the nuts and bolts of the thing. "Look, Clarke, you are insanely smart. I mean, not like me," Clarke scoffs, but Raven continues anyway, "but still really smart." 

"Blowin' your own horn again, Reyes?" A tall blonde guy comes striding into the room with a smug smile on his face. Clarke assumes this is her asshole TA she never stops complaining about. She would bet her car that Raven's half in love with him. 

"Shut the fuck up, Wick, I'm busy," she snaps, picking up the wrench and brandishing it at him. "Go bother someone else." 

"Hi, Kyle Wick," the guy says, ignoring her and holding his hand out to Clarke. "I'm sure you've heard about me." 

She snorts, but shakes his hand anyways. Seeing the look on Raven's face, she decides to lie. "Not at all. I'm Clarke." 

"I've heard about you!" He turns to Raven with a wounded expression. "You don't talk about me, I'm so upset right now. You've broken my heart." 

Clarke can tell Raven is fighting a smile when she says, "Seriously, fuck off. We're having girl talk here." She turns to Clarke again. "Wick is my TA, and also an asshole." 

"I can mark you down points for that, Reyes," he warns. 

"No, you can't. It's in the student handbook." She waves the wrench again. "Now, leave." 

"You don't own the place, Reyes. I have work here, too," he says with another smug smile, and walks to another work bench on the far side of the room. 

She rolls her eyes. "What was I saying?" 

Clarke, thoroughly amused with the entire exchange, tells her, "I'm smart but not as smart as you?" 

Raven goes back to work. "Oh, yeah. So, like I was saying, if you live with me, and apply for a bunch of scholarships, I'm like 100% sure you'll get a free ride. Especially for the pre-med program. I'll help you fill out the applications and everything." 

"I seriously love you." Clarke pats her head instead of climbing down to hug her, because she's lazy, and also Raven doesn't like to be touched while she's working. 

"Yeah, yeah," she says as she twists the table so she's looking at another section of the thing. "Now, what else is bothering you?" 

"What do you mean?" Clarke asks, trying to seem innocent. 

Raven scoffs. "Please. Something's off, and you would've just called if school stuff was the only thing bothering you." 

She sighs. "Okay, well, Octavia and I went to surprise Bellamy the other day, and he was in bed. With a girl." 

Raven snorts, and lays her wrench down, regarding her. "That doesn't surprise me. Once he moved out of the dorms he had girls in and out of his place so much he should've just installed a revolving door. I know because Miller is basically just living with me now. He can't stand the bedroom noise." 

"I knew on some level that he was having sex, I'm not an idiot," she scoffs, "but I don't know, I just feel weird about it, and I don't know why. I can't talk to him." 

"I take everything I've ever said back. You're the stupidest person I've ever met, and I know Wick," Raven says as she picks her wrench back up and goes back to tightening the bolts on the thing. 

Ignoring Wick's indignant 'hey!', Clarke frowns. "What do you mean?" 

"You've probably been in love with him since you learned what love was, stupid. Everyone can see it except you two idiots." Raven says, as she whacks the hunk of metal. 

Clarke is still spluttering as Raven pulls a sheet over her project. "That's not- that is so-" 

"Shut up, we're going to go get a beer. Don't touch my stuff!" She shouts back towards Wick, before dragging Clarke out of the building. 

Raven takes her to a sleazy bar not too far away from campus. The bartender doesn't card, so it's not too long before they're sitting at a small table in the back of the place sipping their drinks. Clarke takes a swig before returning to the issue at hand. "I'm not in love with Bellamy." 

"You totally are. It's why I didn't try to get in his pants in high school," Raven says. "You look at him like he hangs the moon and stars. It's disgusting." 

"I do not!" Clarke protests. 

Raven snorts. "You do, too. And he looks at you the same way. Miller and I agree it's the stupidest thing we've ever seen." 

Clarke's mouth feels dry so she takes a long gulp of her beer. "So then why is he sleeping with other girls?" 

Raven shrugs, drinking from her own bottle. "I'm not a mind reader. He's probably trying to get over you since he's known you since you were five and he thinks that's weird or something." 

Clarke chews on her lip, trying to think of something to say. "I just, it's weird." 

"But it makes sense, right?" Raven pushes. 

And it does. Things click into place for Clarke, things that hadn't made sense before now do, with this new light shining on them. "Yeah, I guess it does. What do I do?" 

"Shit, hell if I know. Nothing, if you want. Date someone else if you want, or date him. Do what makes you happy, Clarke. You deserve to be happy." Raven clinks her bottle against Clarke's. 

"I am happy," she says. 

"When was the last time you did something for you? Like, when was the last time you went and did something by yourself, for yourself?" Raven asks. 

"Hey, I play soccer!" Clarke argues. 

"That's not pampering yourself, that's a hobby," Raven argues back. 

Clarke opens her mouth to make a rebuttal, but closes it when she realizes everything she does outside of school and soccer, she only does with other people. She's so focused on making sure Octavia and Wells are happy that she doesn't have any down time to herself. She drives Octavia everywhere and does whatever she wants, and hangs out with Wells when Octavia's busy, or when the three of them are together, and that's fine, because she loves her friends, and loves them desperately. But maybe she does need some happiness to herself. 

"I guess you're right," she finally concedes. 

Raven takes a swig of her drink. "I usually am." 


	3. if there's one thing i know (i'll fall but i'll grow)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from "Am I Wrong?" by Nico & Vinz

The remainder of Clarke’s senior year of high school is spent applying for as many grants and scholarships as she can get. She doesn’t tell her mother what she’s doing, mostly because she’s not speaking to her, and only gives her dad a hint, so he can’t be accused of withholding information from her mother. Octavia is doing what she can to hide the mail that comes for Clarke about the stuff, so somehow she pulls it off so well that she’s accepted to IIT on a full ride. All she needs to do is find a job to fund her food and she’s all set. She and Octavia jump up and down on their beds for fifteen minutes solid when she finds out, before her parents come home.

Later, when they’re flopped down on the beds, exhausted, Octavia says, “I can’t believe you’re going to be moving out soon. You’ve only got three months of school left, you know.”

“I was aware.” Clarke gnaws on her lower lip. “Hey, O, are you going to be okay?”

Octavia rolls onto her side, so she can see Clarke. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I know you have friends now, like Harper and Monroe, but I don’t know what’s going to happen between my parents and me.” Clarke searches Octavia’s face for any sign of hurt. “I just want to make sure that you’ll be okay.”

Octavia stretches her hand across the gap they’ve got between their beds so they can hold hands. “Clarke, I’ll be fine, okay? I know Abby loves you, even if she doesn’t act like it sometimes. And you know Jake adores you. I’ll be okay. Before you know it, I’ll be down there with you guys, too.”

“You don’t have to go to the south side, you know that, right?” Clarke laughs. “Just because we all ended up down there doesn’t mean you have to, too.”

“What was it you said?” the younger girl replied, “I don’t want new friends? Don’t get hypocritical on me, now, C.”

Clarke dramatically rolls her eyes before flinging a pillow at her best friend, who shrieks and lobs one back.

Later, Octavia hides in their room while she sits her parents down. “Mom, Dad, we need to talk.”

“Did you get your Harvard acceptance letter?” Abby asks, straightening up in her chair.

Clarke sighs. “No, actually, I didn’t. I did get my IIT acceptance letter, though.”

“Clarke, I thought we talked about this,” her mother warns.

“We did, and you told me if that you were paying for college, you were picking out which one I had to go to.” Clarke hands over a copy of the acceptance letter. “Fortunately for me, I’ve take care of that. Between the grants and scholarships, and the student loans I’ve taken out, there’s nothing left for you to pay. Raven has offered me her spare room, and I’ve already applied to a bunch of coffee shops in the area for a job. You aren’t finically responsible for any of this.”

Jake looks like he’s trying really hard to withhold his smile while Abby’s jaw twitches. She looks like she’s about to burst, but all she ends up saying is, “I’m disappointed, but I can’t control your decision.” She then leaves the room quickly, leaving Jake to sweep their daughter up in a hug.

“That’s my girl,” he whispers into her hair before dropping a kiss to her head. “I’m so proud of you. Don’t worry about getting a job, I can slide you an allowance for food and anything else you need.”

“If it’s going to make Mom this upset I don’t want it, Dad, I can manage.” She grins up at him. “But if I need it it’s nice to know I can have it.”

“I’m so excited for you, sweetheart,” he says. “You’re going to love college. Does Octavia know?”

“She’s the one that got the mail today, actually.” She pauses. “Make sure she’s okay, will you? It’ll be hard with everyone gone.”

“Octavia will be okay, but I’ll check in with her more often if you want.” He ruffles her hair. “Why don’t you and Octavia go out and celebrate? You deserve it.”

He withdraws a 20 from his wallet, which Clarke accepts with a kiss to his cheek. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Buy me a sweater with IIT on it when you can!” He laughs as she does a mock salute on her way out of the room.

She and Octavia end up meeting Wells at an ice cream parlor, meeting him in the parking lot. The minute he steps out of his car, he guesses. “You got your acceptance letter, didn’t you?”

“Yes!” Clarke shrieks as she throws herself at him.

He catches her and spins her. “Congratulations! How’d your mom take it?”

“She just said she was disappointed and left the room. Dad was really happy, though. I’m really excited,” she admits giddily.

Octavia grins widely. “That means we just have to have more ice cream!”

The do end up ordering the largest sundae they can, splitting it between themselves with three spoons in the giant pile of ice cream. After they’ve begun attacking it with gusto, Wells clears his throat. “Actually, I’ve got news, too.”

Clarke drops her spoon. “You got your letter?”

“Yeah,” he admits, “but not to Northwestern.” He slides the letter over to her. “Look.”

Octavia leans over her shoulder as she opens the letter. She scans its contents quickly, not quite believing what she’s reading.

Octavia breaks the silence. “You’re moving to California?”

“Yeah, I uh,” he clears his throat again, “I applied to UC Berkeley because my dad wanted me to, but they ended up giving me a better deal than Northwestern. Plus there I can do a Poly-Sci minor.”

“And you,” Clarke puts down the letter, “you want to do this?”

He nods. “I do, I really do. I saw their campus last summer when I took that trip with my dad, and it looks really good. I’m pretty excited, too.”

“Then we’re happy for you,” Octavia tells him with a grin. “Come on, double the celebration! After we finish this one we can get another one.”

“And who’ll eat that one?” Wells asks, nervously side-eyeing Clarke, who has been quiet, trying to process what’s going on.

“Me!” is Octavia’s answer, and that breaks the tension, causing everyone at the table to crack up.

Later, while they head out, Wells turns to Clarke. “Are you okay? I mean, I know I’ll be far, but I’ll still come home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I know -”

“Wells,” Clarke stops him, putting a hand on his shoulder, “like Octavia said, if you’re happy, we’re happy. It’ll be okay. I trust our friendship enough to know we’ll be fine.”

He smiles widely, crushing her into a hug. “Thank you.”

And just like that, Clarke is walking across the stage, accepting her high school diploma with a smile so large it hurts her face. Everyone has made it to her graduation, including Bellamy (because of course she wasn’t going to not talk to him forever) and Miller, who are whooping so loud the vice principal is giving them a scowl fiercer than she’d ever given them when they actually attended the school, which is saying something.

She’s pulled into hugs that sweep her off the floor four separate times before she begs no more, being dizzy and nauseated. Her dad just crushes her to his chest, saying “I’m so proud of you” with a glimmer of tears in his eyes. Abby is openly crying, smiling, as if they haven’t been fighting for the past eight months at all, but Clarke can forgive it, because Abby is her mother, and she loves her.

The summer rushes by, and before she knows it, Jake and Octavia are dropping her stuff off at Raven’s waving goodbye as they drive away. Bellamy and Miller, who had come to help with moving collapse on the stairs in front of the apartment. “Moving is exhausting, let’s never do it again,” Clarke pants as she joins them.

“You’ll be changing your mind in a year, Griffin, let me tell you. The people is this neighborhood get drunk and yell if the White Sox lose, which is all the time,” Raven tells her. “But it’s close to school and pretty cheap. Oh, and I went ahead and got you a parking permit. The cops around here don’t give a shit about anything, except for those fucking parking permits.”

“Whatever, we have a cat.” She pauses. “So, pizza?”

She spends the night unpacking and having fun with her friends, the orange tabby Raven got in preparation of her new roommate winding himself between their legs constantly. Clarke loves him, even if Gizmo is a stupid name.

Pretty soon it’s the first day of class, and Clarke is freaking out as she goes over her schedule for the week. Raven had taken her on a tour of the campus twice just so Clarke could get a good idea of where everything is, and had filled her in on the names of the buildings, what professors to look out for, etc.

“Seriously, Clarke, the school literally takes up six blocks. You’ll be fine,” Raven says as she pushes her towards her first class of the day.

And it does go well. Clarke even manages to make two new friends in her biology class, Monty Green and Jasper Jordan.

They’ve all got a break around one, so they’re eating lunch in the cafeteria. “We’re majoring in biochem, what about you?” Jasper asks as they dig into their (admittedly disgusting) hamburgers.

“Premed,” she answers. “But I also want to take some art classes.”

“Cool. Where are you from?” he asks.

Monty rolls his eyes and elbows Jasper. “Let her eat, man. We’ve only got a half hour before we have to meet in Stuart anyway.”

“It’s fine. I’m from one of the suburbs up north. You guys?” she asks.

“We’re from the western suburbs! Where are you living?” Jasper returns.

She raises an eyebrow. “Is this twenty questions, or something?”

Monty sighs. “Sorry, he’s really enthusiastic and blunt about getting to meet new people. This is why you don’t have any friends, Jas.”

“I have you, don’t I?” he challenges.

“Barely.” Monty grins as Jasper tries to elbow him but misses. Clarke decides she likes them.

The first year passes by pretty quickly. Clarke soon gets a job working at the Starbucks across the street from the campus, so her free time is spent between studying, working, practicing on the girls’ soccer team, and hanging out with Monty, Jasper, Raven, and occasionally Miller and Bellamy.

Things are weird between Bellamy and Clarke, though, and it definitely doesn’t help that Raven gives her a look every time they’re in the same room together. Clarke’s decided that she’ll probably get over Bellamy eventually, now that the dating pool has widened and she’ll meet more people that she’ll be attracted to. They don’t hang out one on one anymore, but that’s fine. He’s been busy with his new girlfriend Roma, which stings but Clarke figures she’ll get over that, too.

Her second semester she meets a girl named Lexa, who’s one of the architecture students that IIT is famous for. They take a class on urbanism together, and Clarke is kind of in awe of how cool she is. When Lexa asks her out on a coffee date, she says yes without any hesitation. The next few weeks are passed with kisses stolen in dark corners, and fooling around in Lexa’s dorm when her roommate isn’t around. Clarke manages to push Bellamy to the back of her mind, and decides she’s pretty happy with Lexa.

The pizza and Mario Kart parties have continued, sans Octavia, but now with Jasper and Monty. Miller is a staple, though Bellamy shows up quite frequently, too. He never tries to bring Roma, but she decides to bring Lexa.

It’s one of the nights Bellamy is there, too, as well as Octavia, who has managed to escape the suburbs for a night to crash with Raven and Clarke. Miller and Monty are curled up on the loveseat (everyone is secretly hoping they’ll get together soon, because they’re adorable), and Raven, Octavia, and Jasper are sprawled out on the floor, leaving Clarke to be sandwiched between Lexa and Bellamy. They’re playing in turns, So when Lexa and Clarke aren’t playing, they’re leaning on each other.

Lexa is pretty reserved around people she doesn’t know, but she’s affectionate enough towards Clarke when they’re alone that she doesn’t mind that they don’t hold hands in public, even if it’s just among her friends.

The whole night there’s a muscle jumping in Bellamy’s jaw, and he’s pretty uncharacteristically silent, but the rest of the group are making an effort to get to know Clarke’s new girlfriend.

“So, Lexa, you’re an archie, right?” Octavia asks as she’s trying to shoot a blue shell at Jasper. “What’s that like?”

“Yes. It’s fine.” Lexa’s answers have been short and to the point, and she hasn’t been reciprocating, but Clarke knows that’s just because she’s shy.

“And you’re dorming?” Jasper asks before he curses at Octavia.

“Yes.”

“Cool! We’re in SSV. You?” Monty tries as he eggs Miller on. Miller’s currently in fourth place, and is scowling at the screen.

“MSV.”

After that, they start talking around Lexa, Octavia shouting gleefully as she manages to win three games in a row, only to be creamed by Raven when she finally gets her turn. Some things never change.

Later, when everyone has left except for Bellamy, Octavia, Raven, and Clarke, Bellamy finally speaks. “I don’t like her.” Raven and Octavia are setting up the couch, and so aren’t in the room.

Clarke stiffens. “What do you mean?”

“She’s cold, and stuck up. You deserve better,” he says simply as he leans agains the kitchen counter, crossing his arms as he looks at her.

She bristles. “What the fuck, Bellamy?”

“She’s the coldest person I’ve ever met Clarke! Can you honestly say you’re happy with her?” he demands.

“Yes, you asshole!” she shouts, drawing Octavia and Raven into the room. “I am happy with her! And can you really talk since you never bring Roma over to meet us? Are you ashamed of us? Or are you ashamed of her?”

He steps into her space. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he growls.

“Well maybe I would if you actually spent time with us! Even Miller comes around more than you do,” she points out, chest heaving. “What the hell happened to make you some absent friend?”

“Excuse me if _my_ world doesn’t revolve around Princess Clarke and _her_ precious world,” he snaps. “But you know what? Fine, be with the bitch! You two deserve each other.”

It's too harsh, coming from Bellamy. They haven’t fought like this in years, and Clarke doesn’t know what to do.

“Bell, maybe it’s time for you to go,” Octavia suggests, her eyes hard and mouth pressed into a hard line.

He opens his mouth to say something, but snaps it shut when Raven adds, “Seriously, Bellamy. Just leave.”

“Fine,” he snaps, and storms out of the apartment.

Clarke presses her fingers to her eyes and wills the tears away. Octavia wraps her up in a hug, presses her nose to Clarke’s neck and whispers, “I’m sorry he’s such an ass sometimes.”

She sniffs and smiles and pats her friend on the back, “I know. It’s okay, O, thing’s will be okay. We’ll work it out, we always do.” But the words taste like ash in her mouth.

Later, when Octavia is passed out on the couch, snoring lightly, Gizmo curled on top of her, Raven and Clarke hole themselves up in Clarke’s room. Clarke is hugging a pillow and Raven is on the bed, pressing her legs up on the wall. “So, you still think we’re in love, Raven?” Clarke asks with a humorless laugh.

Raven sighs and lolls her head to the side to look at her best friend. “He was jealous, obviously. You couldn't tell? He looked like he wanted to punch something the entire night.”

"He's dating Roma, so he has no right to talk." Clarke is quiet for a minute. “Besides, I’m happy with Lexa.”

Raven reaches over and grabs Clarke’s hand, interlacing their fingers. “If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

Bellamy doesn’t come over for the rest of the semester, which is honestly fine by Clarke. Miller, Monty, Jasper, and Octavia, when she can, still come over once a week when they can for video games, and silently agree Bellamy won’t be talked about.

She doesn’t bring Lexa again, though, because even she can recognize the awkwardness that existed between her girlfriend and the rest of the group. But she’s still happy, she tells herself, even though she can’t deny that things are a little strained between Lexa and her.

Lexa begins pulling away every time Clarke says she can’t go out or stay over because she has plans with her friends. It hurts because she wants Lexa, wants her badly, but refuses to put anything besides her friends first.

The gap between them finally becomes too much once finals roll around.

For their urbanism class, they had been working on the final project together, but Lexa suddenly pulls out to work with her friend Costia, leaving Clarke scrambling to finish it on her own.

“What the fuck, Lexa?” she snaps as they stand in front of the auditorium. “You promised you’d help me!”

“Costia had a better idea,” Lexa says coldly. “I had to do what’s best for me.”

“Fuck you.” Clarke fights back tears. “What about me?”

“Love is weakness,” she says emotionlessly, “and I can’t afford to be weak.”

So that’s it. Clarke is suddenly single again, and spends every night for an entire week downing ice cream and marathoning Grey’s Anatomy episodes with Raven when she has the time. That weekend Octavia comes over and they make a girl’s night of it.

“You didn’t want to stay with her, anyways, Clarke,” Octavia says between spoonfuls of Cherry Garcia.

Clarke laughs humorlessly. “And why’s that?”

She shrugs. “You need to be someone who fits into your life without effort. And it took effort with Lexa. I don’t think love should be that hard.”

Clarke sighs, lets her head loll against Raven’s shoulder. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

If anyone had thought the disillusionment of Lexa and Clarke’s relationship would mend the gap between Bellamy and Clarke, they were wrong. Clarke avoided going out when the group decided to go out, and Bellamy never came over. It was fine by Clarke, but it definitely put a strain on their friends.

“He misses you, you know,” Miller tells her one night, while everyone was engrossed with the video game.

She knocks her shoulder into him. “Just pay attention to your boyfriend.”

Miller blushes and scowls at her but doesn’t contradict her. The entire group has been rooting for Monty and Miller to get together. Miller, sometimes too stoic for his own good, and Monty, the shyest of the group, obviously make heart eyes at each other when they think the other isn't looking. It's adorable, and bets are made on who makes the first move, and when.

The week after school ends, when finals are over and everyone is getting ready for the summer, things start to change. Jasper and Monty go back to their suburb for the summer, promising to come out and visit when they can. They plan to rent an apartment in the same building as Raven and Clarke next year, so Clarke isn't worried about losing them as friends. Octavia is also around a lot more, splitting her summer between Clarke and Bellamy, spending one weekend with her best friend and the next with her brother. It's hard on her, but it's harder to force Clarke and Bellamy to hang out together at this point.

Clarke helps her with her college applications, and Bellamy helps her look for apartments around the city. Octavia’s top three choices are Columbia, UIC and U of C, and she wants to major in psychology. Clarke doesn't think she's ever seen somebody so excited to go to college.

“I want to help people, like you do, but I’m no good at science,” Octavia tells her one night. "That's why I want to do psych."

“You’ll be great at it,” Clarke replies, smacking a kiss to her temple.

Clarke has a lot more free time now that both the soccer season and school are over. She picks up more shifts at Starbucks, and paints and sketches in her free time, Gizmo curled up beside her, when it’s just her in the apartment, because Raven works much more than she does, and with Octavia still working at the dojo back near her parents, she's still only able to come in to the city on weekends.

In June, everything stops. Wells calls her, choking up. “Clarke, you need to come home.”

“What?” Clarke is concerned, because usually Wells never gets this emotional. He had just gotten back into town, and she was set to see him next week, over the fourth of July weekend. She can’t imagine what's so important that he needs her to come home now. “What is it?”

“Clarke, please,” he begs, “get Octavia and Bellamy and come home. You need to come home.”

“Wells, come on, tell me what’s going on,” she demands.

“Clarke,” Wells’ voice cracks, “I can’t. Just come home.”

A click on the line signals that he’s hung up. She stares blankly at the phone for a minute, and might stand there longer but Octavia chooses then to come bursting through her bedroom door. “Clarke, the new ‘Say Yes to the Dress’ is on and the theme is -” She stops. “Clarke, what’s wrong?”

Clarke looks up at the phone to Octavia. “We have to go,” she says dully.

“Go where? What's going on?” Octavia’s question snaps her into action.

Clarke begins throwing clothing into a bag. “We have to go home. Wells called. He sounds really upset and won’t tell me what’s going on and we have to go. He would't say why. Call Bell, we’ll pick him up on the way.”

Octavia runs out of the room while Clarke finishes packing. As she swings her bag over her shoulder, she quickly dials Raven, who picks up with a cheerful “Hola chica. Que pasa?”

“Octavia and I are going home. Wells called, something’s wrong,” she says quickly as she and Octavia scramble out the door and towards the car.

“Go. Let me know what happens,” Raven says. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.” Clarke ends the call as she starts the car, and races to Bellamy’s apartment.

He’s already outside when they pull up. “What’s going on?” he asks as he throws his bag into the backseat, shutting the door behind him as he slides in afterwards. “O didn’t say anything, just to be ready.”

“I don’t know either,” Clarke admits, turning on to the highway. “Wells didn’t say anything.”

“I guess we’ll find out.” Bellamy taps on his phone, and after a minute or two says, “He won’t tell me either.”

The car ride after that is silent, and Clarke breaks every speed limit between the south side and her house. When she gets there, Wells is sitting on the porch, waiting for them. “Oh, thank God,” he breathes, pulling Clarke into a tight hug.

“Wells, tell me what’s going on. Now,” she demands as he moves to pull Octavia into a hug.

“Your dad’s been arrested,” he says as he leads them into the house.

Clarke stands frozen in shock, Octavia’s and Bellamy’s eyes wide and jaws slack. “What the hell?” Bellamy is incredulous.

“Sit down, I’ll explain everything.” And to his credit, Wells does. He tells them how the night after he came back from California, his dad told him over dinner that the company Jake was working for was being investigated by the NSA, for possible security leaks. They occasionally did work for the Pentagon, and someone was apparently caught selling secrets to the wrong people. Jake didn’t seem implicit in any of it, though, but was having to deal with the police because he was still a higher up. That changed when he was placed in handcuffs that morning though, in the front yard of the house. Someone had turned in evidence implicating him, and now he was going to be put on trial for treason.

Clarke breaks down in sobs, Octavia clutching her tightly as she fought her own tears. “Where’s Abby?” Bellamy demands.

Wells pinches the bridge of his nose. “That’s the thing. Abby’s been at the police station all day because she’s the one that turned in the evidence.”

It seems to Clarke that everything in that moment stops. Bellamy and Octavia freeze, and she convinces herself that she’s simply mishearing things. “What?”

“I’m really sorry, Clarke.” Wells reaches over and tries to grab her hand.

Clarke snatches it back quickly. “You’ve got to be wrong. There’s no way my _mother_ would do that! How could you say something like that?”

Wells looks like he's in physical pain. Every one of their friends loves Jake Griffin, and it shows on Wells' face just how much this hurts him. “I overheard my dad talking to her on the phone. She was asking him to cover her shifts at the hospital because she had to give a statement, and not to tell you guys until Jake’s trial date was set, but I had to tell you guys, and he agreed.”

Clarke stands up, snapping into anger. “No, I can’t believe you. That’s fucked up. How could you say something like that? What’s _wrong_ with you?” Her voice voice rises until she’s screaming.

Wells looks horribly guilty, but Bellamy stands up, too, and places a hand on her shoulder. “Clarke, enough. Wells, maybe you should go. Thank you, and call us if you find out anything else. We’ll wait for Abby to come home to talk to her.”

With a nod and a hug with Bellamy, the other boy leaves. Bellamy runs his fingers through his hair as he sits back down. Clarke chooses then to turn on him. “How can you be so calm? Do you even care?”

“Of course I care!” he shouts, standing up again. “Of course I care that the man who was the closest thing I had to a father is in jail. Stop being so _selfish_ , Clarke! It’s not Wells’ fault that he had to be the one to tell us.”

Octavia’s crying now, but wipes away her tears and manages to keep her voice steady. “Enough, Bell. We can’t argue with each other, not right now. We need to figure out what we’re going to do. We need to be there for each other. I’ll call Raven and Miller, and let them know what’s going on. You guys should call work and take time off. I love you, both of you.” With a kiss to the cheek of both of them, she quietly slips into the kitchen.

Bellamy watches his sister walk away, and then sighs and turns to Clarke. “I’m sorry, Clarke. That was uncalled for. It’s just a lot right now.”

Clarke bursts into tears again, and Bellamy holds her close, murmuring words into her hair. He’s crying, too, judging by the wetness she feels dripping down onto her head. “I don’t know what to do, Bell. Tell me what to do.”

“We just have to get through this one day at a time,” he says. “But Octavia is here, and I’m here, and we’ll all be okay.”

She buries her face into his neck. “I’ve missed you. So much.”

“Me, too.” He sighs, and drops a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m sorry I’m such an ass. I understand if you hate me.”

"I don't hate you. I could never hate you." She pauses before speaking again. “You were right, though, Lexa wasn’t right for me.”

“I’m sorry, Clarke,” he whispers, “I’m so, so sorry. But I’m here for you, and it’s going to be okay.”

She closes her eyes and fists her hands into his shirt, and hopes he’s right.


	4. help me take my life less seriously (it's only life after all)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit this thing is turning into such a monster fic but so much is happening to them and I can't stop it.
> 
> Title from 'Closer to Fine' by Indigo Girls

The next few months are hell for Clarke. The trial is massive and garners attention from what seems like every news channel in the country. Thankfully it's not the kind of thing people at her school, or even her age, pay attention to, and the last name Griffin is common enough that she's not bombarded by strangers coming up to her and asking her what the hell is wrong with her father. She couldn't take that on top of the fact that she is officially never talking to her mother again, that her dad is currently in jail waiting to be tried for treason, denied bail and visitors. So she can't see him, either. He writes her, though, and she carries the letters with her as some sort of talisman.

The night Abby comes back from the police station is the night everything explodes. Clarke and her mother duke it out while Bellamy and Octavia watch from the sidelines. Abby insists she didn't know Jake would be arrested, and that's the only reason why she turned in the evidence she found.

"What the _fuck_ , Mom?" Clarke screams. "How did you think he wouldn't get jailed for something you found in _his_ stuff?"

"Don't you dare talk like that to me, Clarke," her mother returns. "I did the right thing."

"You put my father in jail. In no world is that the right thing," she spits out. "He's innocent, and you know it."

"He was implicit, Clarke! If he needs to go to jail, he needs to go to jail." Her mother's arms are crossed over her chest and her face is red, her eyes narrowed down to pinpricks.

"If he didn't know what was going on, it doesn't matter if he was implicit or not." Bellamy steps forward and wraps an arm around Clarke. "I hope you realize what you've done to us."

"My family should stick by me! I'm your _mother_ ," Abby shouts.

Octavia steps forward then, too. "Aurora wouldn't have done this, and you know it. Our real mother would've thought about her actions before she acted."

Abby looks like she's been slapped across the face. Octavia takes the opportunity to turn and Bellamy's hand. "Come on, guys, let's go."

The three of them drive off, and around the town before stopping in the parking lot of the ice cream parlor she was last at with Wells. Clarke tilts her head against the window, lets tears run down her face. Bellamy's hands are still clenched around the wheel, and Octavia is gnawing at her bottom lip, a bad habit she picked up from Clarke. "What do we do, guys?" she finally says, voice low.

"Clarke?" Bellamy asks, and she turns to realize the two are looking at her.

She wipes the tears away quickly, thinking. "Do you think they'd let me see him? I am his daughter."

"It's worth a shot," Bellamy says, before turning the car back on and driving towards the police station.

After half an hour spent arguing with the cops on duty, Clarke finally manages to get fifteen minutes with her father. "Dad," she chokes out when he enters the room. She reaches to hug him, but is stopped by the cop that's watching them.

"No touching," he warns. "Otherwise you're out of here."

Clarke scowls at him before turning back to her father. "I'm so sorry, Dad. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, sweetheart." He smiles at her and she feels like crying again. He must see, because he grabs her hand and squeezes it. "Don't cry, Clarke. It'll be okay." He glances at the guard. "Is holding hands okay?"

"I'll allow it," the guard grouses.

"We'll get you out of here, Dad. You're innocent, the charges won't stick," she says fiercely.

He shakes his head, a rueful smile on his face. "It's complicated, honey. I'm pretty sure I'm going away for a while."

Clarke squeezes his hand, tears slipping out. "How can you say that? What am I supposed to do? What about Bellamy and Octavia?"

"Bell's a big boy, he'll be fine," her father reassures her. "And your mom will take care of Octavia. And -"

Clarke cuts him off, "You think O is going to want to stay with Mom after what she did? She and Bellamy are just as mad as I am."

He frowns at that. "Clarke, your mother just did what she felt she had to do. You can't blame her for the consequences."

"The hell I can!" she raises her voice. "This is fucked up, and you know it."

"Time is almost up," the guard warns.

She throws him a dirty look. "Thanks," she says shortly.

"Don't blame your mother, okay?" Her father tugs on her hand, pulling her attention back. "Octavia still has to finish high school, and you and Bell have college to worry about it. It's enough on your plate without feuding with your mother."

"I can't forgive her, Dad. I just can't," she says. "And I'll come to every court hearing, the trial, everything, okay?"

"You will not," he admonishes. "Go to your classes, go to work. Watch the trail on TV if you want, but I don't want you dropping everything to come here."

"How will I see you then?" Clarke asks.

"I'll write," he promises, "and you'll write me, too. It'll be okay, sweetheart. I love you."

"I love you, too, Dad." She cries as he is escorted out, and she is shown the door.

Bellamy and Octavia are leaning against her car, and rush to meet her. "What's going on? What did he say?" Octavia demands.

"He thinks he's going to be locked up," Clarke says as she wipes her face for what feels like the millionth time. "He wants us to stay in school, to not worry about him."

Bellamy scowls and kicks at the curb. "Bullshit we're not going to worry."

"I'm not going to live with Abby," Octavia swears, "I can't."

Bellamy scowls at her, too. "You need to finish classes, O. You need to finish out the year."

Octavia opens her mouth to argue, but Clarke steps in. "Bell's right, O. You just have to last another week and a half."

"But I don't _want_ to be here! And I definitely don't want to be around Abby. Look, I'm getting good enough grades that I can miss the next week. It's not as if the seniors aren't doing the same thing," she says hotly.

"Yeah, but they're seniors, they have colleges that'll take them regardless of their attendance policies in the last month of school. You've still got a year of high school left," Clarke points out.

She sighs, and pulls out her phone. "Maybe I don't have to finish out high school anyway. Look, I got an email from this college a few days ago, and I didn't want to tell you about it until I did more research, but it looks good, even if it doesn't have a psych major, and they don't care about a high school degree. As long as you pass an entrance exam you're good to go."

"What is it?" Bellamy asks, taking her phone. "Shimer College? I've never heard of it. Sounds like one of those fake schools."

"They're real," Clarke says, snatching the phone. "They share a campus with us, because they're so small it's like a cult. They can't even afford their own place."

Octavia takes the phone from Clarke, and stuffs it in her pocket. "They're discussion based, and heavy on philosophy. I could major in Social Sciences, which is broader than psych anyways. And even if I still want to be a therapist, they've got students that go on to get psych Master's, and all of them do well in their graduate programs. Most of them can skip the Master's, actually, and go straight to PHd. Let me stay with you for a few more days, Clarke, and I can talk to the admissions department."

"I don't know, O, this is going to get complicated. Abby's going to flip," Bellamy warns.

"Does that really matter right now?" Octavia demands

Clarke and Bellamy share a look, and Clarke is glad they've made up, because they've always been able to do this, to communicate without talking, and she's missed it. He's giving her permission, though, so Clarke turns back to Octavia. "Alright, O, you can stay with me."

Octavia hugs her, and then Bellamy. "Yes! Thank you!"

"We should pick up some stuff from Abby, though," Bellamy says, running his hands through his hair once Octavia lets him go. "You'll need more stuff if you're staying longer."

They pile into the car and drive back to the house. Abby's car is gone, however, so Octavia is able to run in, leave a note, grab more clothes, and run out. "Where do you think Abby's at?" she asks breathlessly as they pull out of the driveway.

Clarke glances at her as she backs out, back in the driver's seat now that she's a little more emotionally stable. "Probably went to see Mr. Jaha and yell at Wells for telling us. I can't believe I blew up at him like that. I feel like an ass."

"He forgives you," Bellamy says as he taps at his phone. "He says he'll be coming out next week to see us so we don't have to drive back into the city."

"Good." Clarke slouches in her seat as she starts flipping through the radio stations. "I never want to come back here again."

It shouldn't work out but it does, Abby somehow letting Octavia miss the last week and a half of school, and Shimer saying they'll accept Octavia's application. Clarke fronts her the admissions fee, but soon enough Shimer's calling, saying the tuition for the year has been paid in full. Octavia drags Clarke over one day to see what they call the 'Shimer floor', because that's all it is, really, just the second floor of one of IIT's buildings, with the admissions office on the ground floor.

"This is my friend, Clarke!" Octavia announces as she pushes Clarke through the office doors. "Say hi, Clarke!"

"Um, hi?" She asks bewilderedly. There's only one other person in the offices, a boy who looks to be about her age.

He laughs, holds out his hand, "Hey, I'm Alex! Octavia's told me a lot about you!"

Clarke shakes his hand warily. "Good or bad?"

"All good," he promises. "You want to see the floor?"

"Sure? I go to IIT," she adds, as they walk down the hallway and up the stairs.

"Octavia also told me that. Pre-med, right? A couple of IIT pre-med students took our Dark Side of Evolution class last year," Alex says as he holds open the door. He then leads them on a tour of the floor, which doesn't take long at all. They don't number their classrooms, instead calling them weird things like 'pi' or 'infinity'. They've got two lounges for the students, and a small kitchen. The dean of students waves as they pass, ear pressed to his phone. The final stop is the bookstore.

It looks like it used to be an office, converted to a room literally lined with shelves. There's a brunette scrolling through tumblr with her feet up on her desk. Alex knocks on the nearest bookcase. "Hey, Fox!"

The girl jumps and smiles, the flash of guilt disappearing when she sees who's entered the bookstore. "Alex! Hey, what's up?"

"Not much, you know, working." He laughs again and the girl gives him a grin. He gestures to Clarke and Octavia. "This is Octavia, and her friend Clarke. Octavia's starting next year."

"Ah a first-year!" Fox says excitedly. "Are you pumped? Do you like books? What're you interested in?"

Clarke is a little intimidated by how animated the girl is, but Octavia just grins back. "I am super pumped! I don't actually read a whole lot, but I'm interested in everything. My brother's a history nerd, so he always read Plato to me growing up."

Alex and the girl laugh. "We read Plato, definitely," Alex says.

"Our school has a huge boner for him," Fox adds. "Don't worry about not reading a lot, tons of students come here not having spent all their youth in a library. But you're going to have to get used to it." She points to a wall. "You're going to have to read all those books in four years, not counting the ones for electives."

"No way, really? What's for what class?" Octavia asks excitedly, her face lighting up as she scans the titles.

Alex talks her through what is read for each class as Fox approaches Clarke. "So, you're her friend?"

"Yeah." Clarke nods. She doesn't like talking about Octavia and Bellamy's past because it's, well, theirs. "She's staying with me right now, and I go to IIT."

"Nice! One of my best friend's girlfriend goes to IIT. She's an archie." Fox seems to need to prove she knows IIT exists, which is funny, because it really should be the other way around.

"I'm pre-med," Clarke says with a smile, "going into my sophomore year."

The other girl makes a face. "Ugh, I could never do that. I have no head for science, or math. I hated our Nat Sci classes."

"Nat Sci?" Clarke asks, confused.

"Natural Sciences," Fox explains. "They're more philosophy of science than actual science, really. Basically the two scientist professors we've got enjoy lighting things on fire, and then talking about why it's important."

Clarke is a little afraid. "Is this school real?"

Fox shrugs. "Probably not. Honestly, if I didn't love reading and philosophy so much, I wouldn't have stayed. It's hard to be here."

"What do you mean?" Clarke asks, watching as Octavia talks animatedly with Alex.

"Honestly? It's hard." At the tone of Fox's voice, Clarke turns back to the girl. She's also watching Octavia, with a slight frown on her face. "It takes a certain kind of person to do well at Shimer," she continues. "It's really academically rigorous and it basically eats up all of your time. If you're not in class, you're off somewhere reading for your class. We read between 100-200 pages a night." She glances back at Clarke. "I wouldn't go anywhere else, but not a lot of people are cut out for it."

Clarke thinks about Octavia, about how hard she's worked through everything, her mom dying and Clarke and Bellamy leaving her. "Octavia's one of the strongest people I know."

"Does she like to argue?" Fox asks with a smile.

Clarke smiles back. "Definitely."

"Then she'll fit right in."

The summer seems to pass by in a rush. Octavia is reading a bunch of books recommended to her by Alex and Fox, trying to familiarize herself with the world she's going to be thrown into in a couple of months. Clarke tries reading some, too, in solidarity, and enjoys a couple of them, mostly the more science-y ones, but mostly they make her head hurt. She's never understood philosophy. Raven straight up refuses to read any, though.

"I have enough bullshit on my hands trying to deal with Wick, I don't need to be reading some old guy's brain fart, too," she says as she crushes Clarke at Halo. They finally got another console for Raven's birthday, so she can beat them at another game.

She takes it apart in weeks and puts it back together so they can play both playstation and xbox games on it. Clarke's pretty sure that's illegal, but Raven pretty much does whatever she wants regardless, so she doesn't mention it.

Clarke sees her sneak a copy of Newton's _Principia_ when she's working but doesn't mention that either.

Bellamy comes around a lot more frequently now that he and Clarke have made up, and picks up the books as if they're bombs. "Are you sure about this, O? You've never seemed to be much into philosophy."

"Maybe if you were more cultured I would've figured it out earlier," she says before throwing a book by Aristotle at him. "Read that. It's old and Greek, you'll love it."

He scowls at her but takes it with him when he leaves.

Raven sits them down that night, passing around bottles of beer before she starts to speak. "We need a new place," she announces.

"What's wrong with this one?" Octavia asks confusedly.

"You're sleeping on a couch, babe," Clarke points out as she sips at her drink.

Octavia glances down at it. "Oh, right."

"Look, I found a new place, that's actually not that much more expensive than this one, with a third bedroom. It's a few blocks away but still close enough that we could walk," Raven explains as she shows them pictures.

"When did you go see this?" Clarke asks, frowning at her.

Raven shrugs. "While you two were at shimmer the other day."

Octavia scowls but Raven has been purposefully mispronouncing Shimer's name since day 1 so she's probably not going to stop anytime soon. "It looks great, Raven. When do we move in?" Clarke asks, cutting off the argument before it can happen.

"Next week," the older girl says cheerfully.

Clarke and Octavia groan in unison.

They get it done, though, with Miller, Bellamy, and Wells' help. The night is the last hurrah of the summer, with their schools all starting in a couple of weeks, and Wells' flying out the next day. It's a happy night, but after everyone has either left or gone to bed, Clarke curls up into herself a little, pressing her face into her pillow. She's been writing to her dad, just like Bellamy and Octavia do, because they're all his kids, but Clarke is his girl, and she's stressed out about everything, and she can't talk to him about it.

She wonders if everyone remembers that he's going to receive his sentence tomorrow.

They do, and Miller and Bellamy come over at one when the court coverage comes on. Bellamy squeezes her hand as they wait for the reports to jump to the open doors of the courthouse. They do, and then Clarke's dad's lawyer, Marcus Kane, is saying how disappointed he is that his client's been found guilty, and then Clarke is falling apart against Bellamy. She doesn't cry, but she's having trouble breathing. Raven shoves vodka at her, and she drinks it like she's dying of thirst. Wells is texting her 'I'm so sorry' over and over again, and it helps, but she still wants to scream.

Bellamy never stops touching her for the rest of the day, whether it's a hand on her shoulder or an arm around her waist. Octavia seems to ground herself by touching her, too, and by the end of the night all three of them are curled up on the couch, hands tangled and legs piled on top of each other. The hole in Clarke's chest seems to lessen as she falls asleep on Bellamy's shoulder, and for the first time, she allows herself to pretend that he loves her, just like she loves him, and that he's doing this because she's his girlfriend. It's a nice thought to fall asleep to.

When she wakes up, Bellamy's arm is curled around her, his nose pressed to her hair, and Octavia is curled up at their feet, Gizmo on top of her like always. She checks her phone.

_8:40 AM. 1 Missed Call and Voice Mail From: Mom._

Clarke deletes it.

School starts without fanfare. Clarke throws herself into her classes and work. Monty and Jasper don't know what's happened, and they decided to leave it like that. They enjoy meeting Octavia, and with her persuasion end up taking FIlm Theory at Shimer with her. They're the Three Musketeers, and it's a little terrifying. Jasper manages to hack into all the computers on campus and change all the passwords to 'Shimer4ever'. There are inquiries made but he doesn't get caught.

"I'm telling you now, you're going to get kicked out if you pull that shit again," Monty reprimands him one night over the dinner Bellamy's cooked for all of them.

"Are you kidding me? _Shimer_ is what's gonna get kicked out. Seriously, Jasper," Octavia says sternly, "the whole college is in trouble and it's your fault."

"I'm sorry," he says, hanging his head.

Octavia's lips twitch. "It's okay. The school knows none of us are tech-savvy enough to have done it."

"Because you're a bunch of _nerds_ ," Bellamy says smugly. Octavia has been calling him a nerd for years now, and he finally gets to return the favor.

Clarke swirls the stew in front of her. "Oh, hey, Bell, did I tell you that I love that new TV show _Sparticus_?"

"That show is so historically inaccurate that it -" He stops with a glare as the rest of them burst into laughter. "Oh ha ha, very funny."

"Neeeeerrrrrrrrd," they all chorus.

Bellamy flicks his stew at her, and laughs when it lands on her cheek. He ends up wiping it off for her, a smile still on his lips.

"So how's that whole, 'we're not in love' thing going for you?" Raven asks smugly later that night, when Octavia's in bed.

"Shut up, Raven," she growls.

Classes really get into the swing of things, and, if Clarke thought her first year was hard, her second year is worse. She's dying from the amount of lab time she has to clock, as is Raven. Octavia mumbles to herself as she writes paper after paper, and Bellamy and Miller are basically the only reason they're still eating.

"We've got our shit together," Bellamy explains one day, "and you guys clearly don't."

Clarke would be mad if it weren't true, but Bellamy helps her study for all of her finals even though he's got his own, and she almost snaps and kisses him. It's close, but the risk isn't worth the outcome. He hasn't mentioned Roma in a while, but that's just another factor to take in. She won't be the other woman, not again.

Finally it's winter, and they're all celebrating Christmas early, at their apartment, which Raven has taken to calling the Ark.

"Why the Ark?" Clarke asks as they're stringing holly.

Raven shrugs and tinkers with what she says will be 'the most awesome Christmas lights ever'. "Because we're big and full of shit."

"The ark was full of animals, Raven, not shit," Octavia calls from the other room, where she's putting up clusters of mistletoe, against Clarke and Raven's wishes.

"Yeah, but all of those animals had to shit at some point, didn't they? And they were out at sea for what, 40 days?" she says distractedly.

Clarke pats her head in fondness. "I think you're mixing up Bible stories."

"Whatever," Raven waves a hand in dismissal, "point is, lots of shit."

In the end, the apartment looks pretty sweet. They have a huge tree they forced Bellamy and Miller to put up, that's sparkling with lights that flash different colors and spell things (Clarke had to force Raven to make it say 'Merry Xmas' instead of 'Fuck you'), and there are sprigs and streams of holly and tinsel. Bellamy's got a playlist going of classic holiday songs, and it feels so much like home Clarke feels like she might cry.

There are a lot of people there, too. Monty and Jasper, of course, and Wick, (Raven blushed when she admitted he was coming), along with Octavia's new friends from Shimer, Fox, Atom, and a guy bigger than Bellamy named Lincoln. Even Wells is able to make it. All in all it's a crowd of a dozen, and Clarke is glad Bellamy made double what he usually makes. He tried to let Clarke make the cranberry sauce, but that went terribly wrong very quickly.

"I can't believe you screwed up the cranberry sauce," he says, still laughing hours later as they drink their spiked eggnog.

She smacks him on the arm. "Shut up! Cranberry sauce is hard!"

"It was _canned_!" Which sends him into another peal of laughter.

She rolls her eyes and walks over to Lincoln, who's been standing pretty quietly in a corner since dinner. "Hey, Lincoln, how're you?"

He looks at her, amused. "I'm doing fine, thanks. And you?"

"Oh, you know," she says, making a dismissive gesture towards Bellamy, "trying not to kill Bellamy. The usual."

"How long have you two been together?" he asks, just as Clarke is taking a sip of her eggnog.

She chokes. "What?"

"Are you not together?" he asks, brow furrowed. "I thought… Never mind, I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine," she gasps as she thumps her chest. "I, ah, we grew up together. He doesn't, we're not, it's not like that."

He nods, eyeing her carefully. "If you say so."

"So, how're your classes going?" she asks determinedly, trying to change the subject as fast as she can.

He talks to her about his classes, but, honestly, most of it goes over her head. So she just nods along and smiles when she feels like it's appropriate to. He's just about to ask her about hers, she thinks, when Raven cackles from the other side of the room. "Now, KISS!"

Clarke whips around in time to see Miller and Monty blushing and looking anywhere but each other. It wasn't the first time someone had gotten caught under the mistletoe (Clarke and Raven, Clarke and Octavia, Raven and Fox, Bellamy and Octavia), but the first potentially romantic one. Especially because it's Miller and Monty. Clarke finally shouts, "He likes you, you like him, what's the hold up here, Miller?"

And that seems to do it. Miller surges forward, pressing his lips to Monty's. Monty is frozen for all of a half-second before wrapping his arms around the older boy's neck, attacking his lips with his own. Octavia catcalls, and Raven shouts, "Finally!"

They break apart, red-faced, but happy. Their hands slip into one another's, almost shyly, as if they hadn't just been making out five seconds ago. It's cute, and a nice moment, until Wells shouts, "Pay up!", causing everyone but Miller, Monty, and Wells himself to groan.

"You guys bet on when we'd get together?" Monty asks incredulously.

Miller just rolls his eyes. "And you're surprised?"

Monty smiles. "No."

Bellamy catches Clarke's eye and grins. She grins, too, but blushes, and quickly looks away. Lincoln raises an eyebrow at her. "Shut up," she snaps.

He puts his hands up in surrender. "My apologies."

It's not too soon after that that everyone is bundling up to go home. It's Chicago, where the weather is pretty weird, so it hasn't snowed yet, otherwise Clarke would be forcing everyone to stay. She makes sure the people who are definitely over the limit aren't driving, and hugs everyone goodbye. The routine is broken up by Octavia's shriek. "Clarke! Bellamy!"

They look up as they're about to hug, and see the issue. "Mistletoe," Clarke breathes, her gaze dropping back down to Bellamy's.

"Mistletoe," he confirms, and smiles crookedly at her. He leans in and her heart starts racing. Her eyes flutter closed in anticipation, but his lips brush her cheek before he's pulling back. "Goodnight, Clarke."

She opens her eyes and tries to smile. It's a little twisted, but it's there all the way. "'Night, Bell."

The door shuts behind him and everyone except her, Raven, and Octavia are gone. Octavia looks a little disappointed, but Clarke can't guess at what. Her own chest feels hollow, and she kind of wants to cry, but she grabs more eggnog instead, and sits down next to Octavia. "So, tell me about Lincoln."

Raven bounces down on the other side of the couch. "Yeah, he's a total babe, AND he couldn't keep his eyes off of you. Are you hitting that yet, or what?"

Octavia's giggle and animation as she talks about him fill Clarke with warmth again, though she can still feel a dull ache in her chest.

She and Raven pull dish duty as Octavia vacuums before they head off to bed. After making sure Octavia can't hear them, Raven nudges Clarke. "So, what was that with Bellamy?"

"Under the mistletoe?" Clarke asks, pretending to be dumb.

Raven snorts and elbows her sharply. "Don't play stupid with me. You guys had heart eyes."

"Did you miss the part where he only kissed my cheek?" Clarke asks sarcastically. "I feel like you might've missed that part."

Raven rolls her eyes. "You need glasses. Boy was totally going to go for it but then chickened out like the puta he is."

"Okay, if we're going to talk about this, what about Wick? I mean, talk about heart eyes," she says as she grins. "Raven and Wick sitting in a tree -"

"Alright, point taken. Now shut up," Raven huffs.

Later, when Raven is in bed, Octavia crawls into Clarke's, like she does when she's drunk and cuddly. "Twenty bucks says she kisses Wick at New Years."

Clarke curls her arm around Octavia and tugs her close. "Please. Just because you go to some smarty-pants school and I don't doesn't mean I'm stupid."


	5. you're the sun through my window (warming my skin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah so close! I have one more chapter, maybe two, after this.
> 
> Title from 'I Got You' by Train.

Raven and Wick _do_ in fact kiss on New Year's. As the ball drops on the large screen at Miller's and Bellamy, Raven marches straight up to Wick. Everyone's breath is held in anticipation, but it's broken by her grabbing the front of his shirt, and pulling him down so they can share a bruising kiss just as the fireworks go off, signaling the start of a New Year. Money is going to exchange hands, like it did with Miller and Monty, but they're going to do it in private, because the chances of Raven killing them are lower that way. (Wells wins again the bastard.)

Clarke, who had been nervously fidgeting, trying to edge closer to Bellamy without being obvious about it, is grabbed by Fox, who gives her a large smacking kiss. Octavia and Lincoln are in the corner, almost making out, near Miller and Monty, who definitely are. Bellamy and his friend Murphy, who has what Clarke likes to call the 'perpetual stink-face', are both approached by Jasper. Murphy just glares, which is enough to dissuade anyone, really, so Jasper turns to Bellamy.

"Oh, hell no, Jasper." Bellamy puts his hands on the younger boy's shoulders and spins him around. "I am _not_ kissing you."

Jasper pouts. "Aw, but I want a New Year's kiss," he whines, "and all the girls are taken."

Fox rolls her eyes and marches over to him, gives him another smacking kiss, like the one she gives Clarke. "There, now go get us more champagne. I'm not drunk enough for this."

Nothing changes between Raven and Wick and how they act towards one another, except for the fact that they now make out in the middle of arguments, and have very, _very_ loud sex, what seems to Clarke, like every night. Octavia manages to escape it by going to her different friends' places (Clarke's sure she just means Lincoln, but Octavia hasn't said anything so she doesn't say anything), but Clarke doesn't really have any other friends, so, once school starts, she spends most nights in the IIT library. Monty had offered his and Jasper's couch, but they're also growing some weird mutant plant in their kitchen and Clarke doesn't have a death wish, so she politely declines.

It's been one of those days where Clarke seriously questions whether or not she made the right decision going into pre-med. She loves it, really, but she also hates five out of her six professors, and she's just received three papers back all with extremely harsh comments, so she sort of wants to die. It's one in the morning, and she's spent the last four hours trying to rewrite all of the essays, but eventually she gives it up to a lost cause. They're are only three other people in the library, so she simply shuts the lid to her laptop, lays her head on it, and drifts off to sleep.

She is woken up after what seems like seconds by the dropping of a book near her head. She swears loudly as she jerks upright, her chair rolling a little bit with the shock. "What the _fuck_?"

Bellamy scowls at her as he drops into the seat next to her. "What the hell are you doing sleeping in the library?"

"How the fuck did you even get in here?" she asks, trying to rub the sleep away from her eyes. "The library's closed to non-students."

"Monty left his ID last time he was over." Bellamy waves it in her face. "Now, answer my question."

"Raven and Wick are going at it. _Loudly_." She groans and drops her head back on to the table. "I couldn't study there, or sleep. So I came here. How did you know where I was?"

He sighs and starts gathering her things up. "Octavia mentioned she's been worried about how much time you spend here. She texted me telling me to give you my couch at least."

"I'm _fine_ , Bell, go away," she grouses as she tries to snatch her books back.

He gives her a smug smile as he holds them out of her reach. "Nope. Come on, princess, you need an actual bed."

"But your apartment is so far from campus," she whines, finally giving up to follow him out the building. "How will I get back here for class at eight?"

He rolls his eyes as he climbs in the car. "I'll drive you. Jesus, you're lazy."

She flips him off half-heartedly and nods off on the ride to his apartment. She's so tired she can feel it in her bones, and all she wants to do is sleep for days. When she comes to, Bellamy is carefully lifting her out of the car, cradling her to his chest. She makes a noise of protest, but still grips at his shirt and burrows deeper towards his warmth. She feels rather than hears the chuckle, and then she's out like a light.

When she wakes, she tangled up in blankets that smell unfamiliar, and a bed that's much softer than her own. She's disoriented, and blinks rapidly in the bright sunlight that stretches across the room. The room is tidy, and sparse, only a dresser and small table next to the bed. There're a couple of pictures, and an abstract painting that she recognizes as being one of her own. The graduation present she had given Bellamy. Bellamy, who had taken her back to his apartment last night, so she didn't have to sleep in the library.

She sits up in a rush once she remembers, scrambling to find her shoes and phone. She bursts out of the bedroom, to find Bellamy casually sipping coffee and reading the Tribune on the couch in his front room. "Morning, sunshine," he says without looking up.

"What the _fuck_ , Bellamy? What time is it? I have class!!!" she screeches as she tries not to face-plant while she puts on her shoes. She can't find her phone, assumes it's probably with the rest of her stuff in Bellamy's car.

"It's eleven, and you don't have class. It's Thursday, not Wednesday like you thought," he answers finally looking up. "Your eight AM class is Monday, Wednesday, Friday, right? So you can go back to sleep."

She freezes in confusion, tries to count the days in her head. She's not even going to ask how or why Bellamy knows her schedule. "But, yesterday was Wednesday?" Her face twists as she thinks. "What's the date?"

He frowns. "The 29th. How much sleep are you getting?"

"Fuck." She breathes out, and collapses onto the couch. "I hate everything."

"How much sleep are you getting?" he asks.

She tries to shrug, but ends up twisting her body to look at him instead. "Like four hours a night usually? It's fine."

"All of this in the library? Raven and Wick fuck that much?" he persists, his frown deepening.

She yawns and presses her face into the couch cushions. Now that there is no rush to go anywhere, really, for the day she lets her eyes drift shut. "No, it's not just them. I've also got like four professors who are riding my ass and another one who just flat out hates us. I've been trying to study more so I don't look like an idiot."

"Clarke, you're like the smartest person I know," Bellamy says. She cracks open an eye to look at him skeptically. He amends his statement, "Okay, you're the smartest person I know that isn't Raven."

She lets her eyelids close again. "Raven's a genius." Another yawn escapes. "I should probably go back to my apartment at the very least. Gizmo misses me."

"Or, you could stay here," his voice is strange, "And use my bed."

She opens her eyes again. "Don't you have stuff to do? And what about Miller?"

He shrugs. "Since I've only got a few months left before I graduate, my professors mostly want me to concentrate on my thesis. I'm only taking two classes, and they only meet on Mondays and Fridays. I was just planning on hanging out around here, goofing off and maybe getting a little work done. And Miller spends most of his time at Monty's, especially now that Jasper got that internship with that one professor. Snapper?"

"Snapper's the philosophy professor. It's Snooker he's got the internship with." She pauses as thinks it over. One the one hand, spending the day alone with Bellamy sounds like torture. There would be no buffers and she has a hard time enough as it is, trying to stop herself from just attacking him and kissing him. On the other hand, this way she could go straight to sleep again. "Alright, you've convinced me. I'm going to go back to bed."

She's a little surprised that he follows her, but doesn't say anything. It all clears up when he opens up the drawers in his dresser. "I um, didn't want to undress you last night, but now that you're awake, you can have my stuff to sleep in." He tosses her a shirt and a pair of pajama pants. "If you need anything I'll be out here."

"Thanks, Bell." She gives him a wide smile, and he ducks his head and grins.

"Anytime, Princess." 

She changes into his shirt quickly, relishing in the smell, which is something musky and sweet that she's never figured out how he manages to secrete. (If he bottled it she would buy it.) The pants are a bit trickier, however. They are extremely loose around her waist and floppy around her feet. No matter how much she pulls the strings they still slip down her thighs, so she gives them up for a lost cause, and dives under the covers of the bed again. She has no classes on Thursday, so she's going to try and sleep for as long as she can.

She's in the middle of a very pleasant dream when she's next woken up, a dream that involves her in a fancy gown waltzing around a floor with Bellamy. It's shifting so that dream Bellamy's gaze is growing darker and darker, and then they're alone, and his hands are trailing up under her skirt and -

"Clarke?"

Clarke curses, and twists in surprise. When she fully opens her eyes, she's wrapped in a sheet on the floor, Bellamy standing over her with a smirk. "What?" she snaps.

"I heard you making a noise and wanted to make sure you were okay," he says. His eyes rove over her clinically. "You didn't hurt yourself, did you?"

"No," she says shortly, twisting out of the sheet so she can stand up. "Thanks for checking in on me but I really want to -"

"Are you not wearing any pants?" he asks, voice strangled.

She turns around and looks at her bare legs, and then up at him. His face is red, and he is definitely looking at her face very determinedly. She throws the sheet back on the bed. "Your pants were so big I was drowning on them."

"You should uh," he coughs, clears his throat. "You should be wearing pants. I can get you other pants."

"It's not as if I walk around pantsless in everyday life, Bellamy." She pops her neck, still annoyed at having been woken up. "I'm just sleeping." She looks back over at him. "What's the big deal?"

A muscle in his jaw jumps. "Nothing. Go back to sleep."

He slams the door behind him on his way out. She shakes it off, and goes back to sleep. Unfortunately the dream doesn't return.

For the rest of the semester, he's weird around her. Later that day, when he'd dropped her off, he'd been short and dismissive with her. That stretched over into their next game night, where he refused to look at her or sit too closely to her. She's hurt, but thankfully she's got enough work to keep herself busy with. Her labs are stressing her out but the week after spring break she'd finally gotten her writing style honed to a point where all of her professors are proud. She still writes her dad, and he still writes back. His sentencing isn't until the first of September, but based on how the trial went, he's pretty sure he'll only get six years.

She hates that there's an 'only' in front of that, but it's better than ten, or life. She still doesn't speak to her mother.

Raven finally calms down with Wick, so they don't have sex all the time anymore (though Raven tells her they've just started having it in the labs instead, which grosses her out and makes her extremely glad she's not an engineer), and Octavia finally announces she and Lincoln are officially together, which leads to a loud Blake fight but ends with Bellamy clenching his teeth together in a grin every time Lincoln enters a room. Raven and Clarke make a drinking game where they drink every time it looks like Bellamy wants to kill Lincoln when they have their pizza/video game nights, but they end up getting so wasted they have to stop.

Finally, her finals are over and Bellamy and Miller are graduating, so of course they're throwing a large part in the Ark (the stupid name has stuck much to Clarke's chagrin). Everyone Clarke knows is there, with the exception of Wells, who is still in California. Raven is showing off her impressive bartending skills, picked up from nights of working shifts in bars over the summer, and Jasper and Monty have brought some moonshine they've been working on in their bathroom (yet another reason Clarke refused to stay on their couch), so it's not too long before everyone is pleasantly buzzed, some more than others.

"You're just, I love you sooooooo much," Octavia slurs as she slings an arm around Clarke's shoulders, poking her in the cheek with her finger. "You're like my sister, and I just want you know that."

"I love you, too, Octavia," Clarke says, highly amused, as she gently takes the cup of moonshine out of her hand. Clarke hasn't tried it because it smells like rubbing alcohol and not like drinkable alcohol, so she's definitely probably the most sober. She passes Octavia off to Lincoln, who is probably the second most sober person. "Make sure she doesn't have any more," she says lowly when Octavia isn't paying attention, "and make sure she has water."

Clarke is content to sit on the kitchen table after that, and watch her friends have fun. She's pleasantly buzzed, but not so much that she's drunk. She's actually probably at the legal limit to drive. Raven comes up to her, and pulls herself up next to Clarke. "Que pasa chica?"

"Nothing," Clarke sighs, lets her head lean on Raven's shoulder. "Where's Wick?"

"Bathroom," her friend replies happily. It's so funny how happy and relaxed Raven is when she's drunk, because she's so hardcore and down to fight when she's not. "Why're you sad?"

Clarke's eyebrows raise in surprise. She straightens, looks over at her friend. "What do you mean? I'm happy!"

"Nope," Raven says, popping the 'p'. Clarke wonders just how much she's had to drink because this is definitely the drunkest she's ever seen her. "You're sad, and I know why."

"Tell me why, then," Clarke humors her. Her gaze in the meantime finds Bellamy, who's trying to play Bloody Knuckles with Murphy. She would be concerned if they were actually landing hits, but mostly they're just flailing at each other.

Raven follows her line of sight. "Bellamy's an idiot."

"You're not wrong," Clarke agrees. "What did he do this time?"

"No! No, I mean, _Bellamy_ is why you're sad," her friend insists. "He's been grumpier than lately, and it's making you sad."

Clarke sighs, lays her head back on Raven's shoulder. "I'm okay, Rae. I promise. I just wish I knew why he's mad at me."

Raven makes a noise, but Wick reappears at that moment. "I'll fix it for you, Clarke, I pinky promise."

She snorts and shakes her head, grateful her friend is so drunk she won't remember this in the morning.

Unfortunately for her, Clarke is wrong. There's a new gleam to Raven's eyes afterwards, and it unsettles Clarke.

Two weeks after the party, Miller moves out into an apartment with Monty, and leaves Jasper flailing until Lincoln agrees to take him in. Octavia, Raven, and Clarke don't want to leave the Ark, so now the only one left without a place is Bellamy. He wants to stay in the area because he's going to UIC's graduate program to get a master's in history, but can't afford the old apartment if he doesn't have a roommate.

It's Octavia who finds the new one for him. It's not as close to his campus, but closer to IIT's, and is in a quiet part of the neighborhood. The apartment itself has lots of light, and Bellamy loves it.

"It's perfect, O" he says as they walk through it. "This is gonna be great. Now I can annoy you all the time," he adds with a grin.

Octavia shoves him, but Clarke knows she's also happy at having her brother closer. "You wish," the younger Blake says before she blows a raspberry.

Clarke smiles, but keeps her distance as she has been recently, trying to minimize the hurt from the discord in her relationship with Bellamy. She's sure everyone has noticed it by now, but no one's mentioned it, especially since by now everyone knows how stubborn they both are. They talk about it amongst themselves, though, when both she and Bellamy aren't around. She's caught Jasper whispering about it into the phone with Monty. 

"Mom and Dad are still fighting," he says quietly into the phone one night. "Dad just passed his controller off to O and said he had to go once Mom came home."

"Jasper, what the hell are you talking about?" Clarke demanded as she walked to where he was standing by the fridge.

"Nothing, Mom!" he stammered. "I mean, Clarke."

Clarke frowns at the nickname. Just because she's pre-med and knows how to treat wounds and cares for her friends when they're sick doesn't mean she's their _mother_. She complains about it to Raven one night, and she's a little surprised at the girl's response.

"You kind of have this thing where you adopt people, Clarke," Raven says simply as they sit in one of her labs, tinkering away at another type of engine. Apparently Raven is trying to make a car that runs on manure, for fun.

"What are you talking about?" Clarke demands as she stops swinging her legs from her perch on the workbench.

"Come on, Clarke, you think we would all be such good friends, _still_ , if it weren't for some big driving force?" Raven asks incredulously, setting her screwdriver down. "I mean, I knew you were stupid but this is a whole new level."

"Ouch." Clarke frowns. "Rude."

"Look, I get that you and O and Bellamy would still be close, because you guys've grown up together, but me? Monty, Jasper? Miller? Hell, even Wells?" Raven ticks them all off on her fingers. "Wells isn't even in the same state and we're still close enough that he texts me every other day about whatever energy crisis California is having now." She sighs and shifts her weight so she's leaning back to look into Clarke's eyes. "You and Bellamy take care of us. You text us to make sure we're safe if we're out at four in the morning, you make sure we all get together for the holidays, you make sure we each get personalized birthday presents, I mean," Raven picks up her screwdriver and starts tinkering again, "if it hadn't been for you and Bellamy, I wouldn't've had any friends in high school. Just a cheating scumbag of an ex."

Clarke chokes up. "Raven -"

"Oh _hell_ no you are not crying in my lab, out, woman!" Raven orders, brandishing her screwdriver at her. "Leave!"

Clarke's still crying but laughing as she's chased from the building. She really loves her friends, even if they're all crazy.

The next day everyone is recruited into helping Bellamy move. Clarke, Bellamy, and Octavia all have cars, so their the ones that are driving the boxes and furniture to the new apartment as the rest of their friends pack and unpack. Finally, the heavy lifting is done, so Clarke reports to Miller as to what should be done next.

Later, she'll realize that he had an uncharacteristically wide grin on his face when he told her that she should start unpacking the books in what would be Bellamy's office. She walks in to find Bellamy assembling a bookshelf. "Hey," she says, softly.

"Hey." His jaw sets and he doesn't look at her.

She sighs, resigned, and begins to put books onto the two other bookshelves he's gotten done.

He looks up and sees what she's doing. "Wait, they're -"

"Supposed to be done genre first, then alphabetical by author, I remember," she says dully.

"Right." There's a pause of more silence, but it's broken by the door being slammed shut.

Both of their heads whip around, and she runs to the door to try and open it. Unfortunately it's jammed. "Help, guys!" she calls out.

"No can do, C," Octavia laughs from the other side. "You gotta stay in there and make nice."

Bellamy storms up to the door and bangs on it. "What the hell, O?"

"We're sick of you two being weird around each other. Fix it!" Miller yells.

"Yeah, it fucking sucks when Mom and Dad aren't talking to each other," Jasper adds.

"Stop trying to make those nicknames happen, they're not gonna happen!" Clarke pleads.

"Too fucking late, girl," Raven says next. "Now, look, I realize your homicidal urges are very strong right now, which is why I've reinforced this door by placing Bellamy's very large, very heavy couch in front of it. We're going to go out and grab something to eat. You two make peace before then and you'll have food. Otherwise, you're staying in there for fucking ever, got it?"

Bellamy lets loose a string of swears in Tagalog to Octavia, most of which Clarke can understand. She whirls around to him. "You think you have better things to do than 'talk to this idiot'? Next time you have to move find someone else to help you, then, asshole! You're such a selfish jerk, and a moody bastard! I don't even know what I did wrong!"

He runs a hand over his face. "I keep forgetting you can understand Tagalog."

"Oh, yeah, it's not like we fucking _grew up together_ or anything, I totally understand," she shoots back sarcastically. "Forget it, they've got to let us out sometime." With that, she sits down in a huff and pulls out her phone, texting abuse after abuse to all of her friends.

Bellamy sits down, too, with a sigh. Eventually, he tries to speak, "Look, Clarke, I didn't mean to let it get this far out of control."

"You mean you didn't mean to start leaving the room whenever I arrive?" she spits. "That you don't talk to me unless I'm part of the group you're addressing? We were _best friends_ , Bell, and you just dropped it." She presses the heels of her palms to her eyes, trying to stop herself from crying. "Everyone's noticed it. Hell, even Fox has noticed it and she's not even really our friend."

"I just," Bellamy struggles with the words, "I just don't know how to be around you any more."

Clarke feels small, and brings her knees to her chest so she can wrap her arms around them, lay her cheek against them. "Why?" She can feel the tears, but she still fights down the sobs.

"Because it hurts, okay?" he says, standing up suddenly. "It fucking hurts to see you be this beautiful, wonderful, fantastic human being and for me to not be able to kiss you or hold you." He punches at a wall. "I'm sorry, okay? I don't, I miss you, too, but I can't torture myself any more. I'll move, if that's what it takes. I swear I'll get over this and we can be friends again, but right now, I can't do this."

Clarke is staring at him in disbelief. She topples over to the floor, eyes wide, trying to process all the information at once. "I don't, you can't, what?"

"I know," he sighs, drops his head against the wall he's just punched. "I'm sorry."

"I, _you're_ sorry? What the, what the _fuck_ , Bellamy?" And then she's laughing, laughing so hard she's crying a little. "You like me?"

He throws her a dirty look, slides back down to sit on the floor. "I _love_ you, asshole, although I'm not sure why, if you're laughing at my pain."

"You're such an _idiot_ ," she tells him, smiling brightly, brighter than she has in weeks. "I can't believe I love you, too."

"Well, I -" And then he freezes, too. "Wait, what?"

" _Such_ an idiot," she says as she crawls over to him. He's looking at her in wonder and in awe, and she can't stop smiling, because he loves her, too. She slides into his lap, and presses her lips to his. She keeps her eyes open, and sees the moment when he unfreezes, and winds his arms around her. Her eyes flutter shut then, and she grips his shoulders. Their lips are pushing and pulling, teeth clacking and the kiss is just in general a mess, because they can't stop smiling and there's drool everywhere but it doesn't matter. She starts to giggle, and he pulls back.

"Ugh, you shouldn't be laughing right now. That mean's I'm doing something wrong," he says even though he's sort of laughing, too.

"Say it." Clarke tugs on the front of his shirt. "I want to hear you say it again, when you're not being grumpy. I know it's a statistical improbability, you know, due to you being an old man and all -"

"Shut up," he says, and kisses her again. It turns into a longer one that it should've, but he's dragging his teeth over her bottom lip and it's making her whimper. Her arms wind around his neck and a part of her cannot believe this is happening, that she is making out with _Bellamy Blake_ , and that he loves her. Which reminds her that he still hasn't said it yet.

She tilts her head away, to speak, but he just moves his lips across her jaw, and down her neck, to the spot where her neck and left shoulder meet. He bites there, tugging at the skin with his teeth.

"Bell," she gasps, and there's a warmth pooling between her legs now. "Bell, I want to hear you say it."

He lets go of the patch of skin, and soothes it with his tongue. "I love you," he whispers into her skin. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," she whispers back, and then their mouths are attached again, and, seriously, why have they not done this sooner? Bellamy Blake is the perfect kisser, Clarke thinks, because there's just enough tongue, and his lips are so soft, even softer than Lexa's, and, oh God, where did he learn that move? She shifts, trying to get some friction to gain some relief between her legs.

It causes him to groan so he shifts, and then his erection is pressing against his jeans which are pressing against her, and it feels so good. His hands slide up under her shirt and start massaging her breasts when -

"OH MY GOD EW BELL WHAT THE FUCK?" Octavia screeches from the doorway.

Both Bellamy and Clarke scramble up and Clarke tries to right her shirt from where Bellamy's twisted it, as Bellamy tries to shift his pants so his erection isn't quite so visible. Octavia runs out of the room screaming about her eyes, and warning Miller and Monty not to come upstairs, while Raven smirks from the doorway. "Nice," she says, salutes them with an open bottle of beer.

Clarke opens her mouth to say something, but is interrupted by Jasper. "So you guys made up! That's," he pauses, eyes narrowed, and points to Clarke, "IS THAT A HICKEY?" He starts to hyperventilate, so Raven pushes him out of the doorway.

She claps a hand to the part of her skin Bellamy had bitten earlier. "Was that really necessary?" she asks him, groaning.

"Yup," he says smugly, his arm coming to wrap around her waist.

"Everyone knows you guys already belong with each other," Raven points out. "The rest of the world was waiting for you to just wake up and see it, too."

"You're still in trouble," Clarke warns, before hugging her. "Thank you," she whispers, presses a kiss to Raven's temple.

"Yeah, well," she grins, "dibs on maid of honor."

"OH HELL NO!" Octavia shouts as she comes running back.

Bellamy's hand slips into Clarke's, and he tugs her away from the squabble, as Jasper and Monty gush over how cute they are, and Miller gives them a thumbs up from where he's holding the pizza. He looks down at Clarke, and Clarke smiles, because he's all hers now. "So, you remember that day you were really insistent I wear pants while I sleep?" she asks.

"Yeah?" He blushes and looks down as he rubs her hand with his thumb.

She grins wider. "Was it because I was too sexy for you in just the shirt?"

He groans, and uses his other arm to tug her closer. "Something like that."

"Well?" she says, and pokes him in the stomach.

He leans down so his lips brush the shell of her ear. "I wanted to fuck you right then and there, on the floor. Make you scream my name."

He pulls back, his gaze hot on hers, and she shivers, the heat between her legs rising again. An annoyed chorus of voices groan. "Can you guys _please_ wait until after we've left for the eye-fucking?" Miller demands. "It's really nauseating."

"Oh, you're one to talk. We were going to die of the sexual tension between you and Monty, I swear to God," Bellamy snarks back.

"Speaking of which! Wells wins again, technically, the bastard." Octavia frowns at her phone. "I'm like 1000% he's cheating, so can we lie and tell him you guys got together in like three months? Because that's when I win."

"I'll tell Wells if I have to, myself. The man won fair and square, you can't just lie to him like that," Clarke admonishes.

"Even if he is some sort of freaky psychic," Bellamy adds.

Clarke narrows her eyes at him, but he just takes the hand he's holding and kisses it, and she melts.

Jasper grins. "And now we have our Mom and Dad back."

"Jasper, those nicknames are really -" but Clarke is cut off, because Miller finally opens up the pizza box, and she is drowned out by the lot of them shouting and claiming pieces. Bellamy even lets go of her hand to make sure he gets the piece with most pepperoni slices. Clarke just smiles and shakes her head, though, because even though they're all kind of idiots, they're her family, and the biggest idiot of them all? Well, he's hers, period.


	6. can you feel (my love)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went wayyyy more into the whole Jake story than I was going to so sorry about that. Enjoy the fluff at the end as an apology gift.
> 
> Title from 'Geronimo' by Sheppard

In the end, it's Octavia who cracks first. Clarke and Bellamy come back to the Ark one night, after watching the latest World Cup game in a nearby sports bar, fingers tangled and sharing smiles, to find Abby sitting in the kitchen. They both freeze, Bellamy squeezing Clarke's fingers so tightly she starts to lose feeling. Abby looks similarly, like she wasn't expecting to see them.

"What," Clarke's voice is strangled, and she clears her throat before continuing, "what are you doing here, Mom?"

"I, uh," Abby chews on her lower lip, "Octavia asked me to come over."

"Whoops." Octavia slinks in from the bathroom, completely faking her 'I'm so innocent' look. "I totally wasn't expecting you guys to come back here after the game."

"Seriously? I do still live here, you know," Clarke says angrily. "Why the hell did you invite _her_ here?"

"Because this has gone on long enough," Octavia snaps. "Jake is in jail, yes, and it's terrible, because we all know he didn't do anything, but that's not what the government sees, and it sucks. But are you going to take it out on your mother forever? She feels _terrible_ , and we've been ignoring her for an entire year. Don't you think having her family cut her out is enough punishment for now?"

Clarke can't believe what she's hearing. "My dad won't get to see me graduate because of her, O, what the fuck do you think?" she shouts. "He supported me through everything, and she took that away! I can't even hug him anymore, and I might _never_ get to hug him again. Or have you forgotten he hasn't been sentenced yet? He's looking at _life_."

"Of course I haven't forgotten!" Octavia screams. "I can't forget because he wasn't just your dad, Clarke! He was mine, too, and Bellamy's. He may have loved you more, but that doesn't mean he didn't love us enough to make us feel like we were his kids. And if he is sentenced to life? Then you should at least make peace with the only parent you'll have remaining."

Abby stands up. "I should go."

Clarke shouts 'Yes!' just as Octavia orders "No, Abby, sit down."

"I don't want to tear you kids apart," Abby says quietly, clutching at her purse. "It's enough that Jake's not around anymore. You guys should have each other, too."

"Abby, you should stay," Bellamy says suddenly. Clarke looks up at him, her mouth open in shock. "Stay for a drink, or something. Please."

"What the _hell_ , Bellamy?" she asks angrily as she snatches her hand out of his. "What the actual -"

"Clarke," he says, ignoring her, "I need to talk to you." He grabs her hand again, without waiting for an answer, and drags her to her bedroom, shutting the door behind them.

"Okay, so talk." She is so done with this night. She will never forgive her mother, ever, and is hurt that Octavia would, and that Bellamy would suggest Abby stays.

"O's right, Clarke, you can't shut your mom out of your life forever," he says, holding her gaze steadily. "Hasn't Jake told you all along to forgive her? Maybe you should listen to him."

It stings, and Clarke fumes. "My dad is a better person than I am. I'm not going to forgive her, Bellamy, _ever_."

"If Jake gets life, what are you going to do? Just pretend to be an orphan? As one, I can tell you, it's not all it's cracked up to be." His eyes are hard as he looks at her. "You only get one life, Clarke. What your mom did was wrong, no one is saying differently. But you can't change the past, and I can tell from just looking at her how messed up she is. She's lost weight and looks half dead. Or were you too wrapped up in your own rage to notice?"

She opens her mouth, before snapping it shut again. She finally says, "I can't believe you're siding with her on this one. Have you stopped caring that my father's in jail? Because he's still in jail, and I feel like that's something that deserves some fucking recognition."

"Like O said, he wasn't just _your_ dad, Clarke!" He runs his hands through his hair. "You need to grow the fuck up. You're so fucking selfish, Clarke, you've even turned your dad's mess into something about you."

She gapes up at him, and slaps him, hard. He winces at the impact, his head turning with the force of it. "Don't, don't you dare say that to me."

"Clarke -" he tries, but she's already slamming the bedroom door behind her, storming out into the foyer and grabbing her purse. Octavia regards her with caution.

Her mother stands up. "Clarke, sweetie -"

"Stay as long as you want," she says, trying to hold back the tears, "I don't care." And then she slams the front door of the apartment, too.

She walks around the neighborhood for bit, needing to clear her head before she can drive. Her eyes are stinging from the tears she refuses to cry, but she can cry when she's figured out what she's going to do. She doesn't want to deal with Jasper's antics, and Miller is, above all, Bellamy's best friend, and, fuck, well, Monty lives with Miller, so she's kind of out of places to go to for the moment, and Raven is still at the lab, which sucks. Wells is back in California, and Clarke takes this as a sign that she needs new friends. She can't go to any bars, because she's a few months shy of 21 still, and the bar that doesn't card is the first place Bellamy would look for her, if he even goes to look for her at all.

Eventually she gets on a bus to the El and heads towards the loop, just to get away from the area. Her mind is still reeling from the fact that Octavia and Bellamy _want_ to forgive her mother. Her mother, who locked away the only person to love Clarke unconditionally, without question, supportive of everything she did. She missed him more than anything, and as happy as she had been, especially in the three months that flew by at Bellamy's side, she was still sad, would still cry herself to sleep sometimes. And Bellamy, Bellamy who held her as she cried, wanted her to forgive her mother? It's so not fucking happening.

She gets off the El and wanders around. It's nine at night, and people are still bustling around her, going out to wherever they're going, so Clarke joins them. She wanders from crowd to crowd, until she finds herself in front of the Picasso sculpture, the monstrous figure that takes up most of the area in front of the Daley Center. She sits on one of the benches around it, and studies it. She forces herself to focus on the lines, the curves of the piece. She sort of hates it, has always kind of hated Picasso. She can't really explain why, except that she can't connect to it, emotionally. Oh well, not connecting emotionally is exactly what she needs right now.

In her purse she finds a small notebook, the one she writes class assignments in, and a pen, accidentally snatched from a restaurant after she signed a check. She sketches the piece, trying to be as realistic as she can, shading and adding to the shapes she sees. When she's done with that drawing, she draws it again, and again, until she tries to draw it with her eyes closed and can sort of see the original. She switches to her left hand, and that goes much more horribly.

"Hey, babe," Raven says, as she plops down next to her.

Clarke stifles a scream, but still falls off the bench. "What the hell, Raven? What the fuck?"

Raven tsks, and grabs her notebook up from where it's fallen. "So this is what you've been doing for the past two hours? I thought you hated this sculpture."

"I _do_ ," she snaps, and grabs the notebook back. "How did you even find me?"

"I figured you'd want to go look at some art, and all the museums are closed, so I just had to pick a sculpture. I had a list after I googled it, and this popped up. Lucky guess." Raven shrugs.

Clarke eyes her. "This isn't the first one you tried, is it?"

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that, just like you're going to pretend the answer to that is 'yes, it is'," Raven says. "Now, want to talk about it?"

Clarke leans her head on Raven's shoulder. Breathes in, and out. "I can't forgive my mother, Raven. I just can't."

The other girl sighs, drums her fingers on the bench. It's quiet for a few moments, before she murmurs, "I'm going to tell you a story, okay?" Clarke shifts, so her ear closer to Raven's mouth. "Once upon a time, there was this girl, a princess, and she had a dad, a king, who worked with some pretty important people. He was a smart man, working on secret projects that could help the world with its problems. These important people, they were going to use this information for good, but there was someone in their circle who was a rat. The rat wanted money, and so he sold the secrets of the important people to someone who wanted to make the world hurt." Raven shifts, so Clarke has to sit up. "Are you still following me?"

Clarke nods, hesitantly. She thinks she understands Raven, but she isn't sure why she's being told this information. "Yes, but why are you -"

"The secret project wasn't finished yet, though, but it was close," Raven continues as if Clarke had never spoken. "The king only needed to work out a couple more kinks, and it would be done. The rat was discovered before he could finish the project, fortunately, and the important people realized what would happen if the project was finished. No one knew who the rat was, but knew there was a rat all the same. The king, however, had to stop his work, until the rat could be flushed out. There was only one way to do that, and that was to make sure he was arrested, and his files kept safe locked away in a police station. So he made sure his wife, a logical woman, would find certain things that would get him put away. He knew she would take it to the police, but not realize her husband would be implicated, because, though she was smart, she was very detail-oriented, and couldn't see the big picture until it was too late. So the king was taken away, and the princess was upset, and blamed her mother." Raven pauses, and swallows. "I'm not saying your mom was right, Clarke, but I'm trying to say there was more to the story than what you knew."

Clarke stares up at the night sky, trying to process what she's hearing. The world seems to be spinning, and she's trying to stretch her thoughts to fit the things Raven has said. Finally, after she can think straight again, she looks at Raven, who is watching her intently. "How do you know this?" she whispers.

Raven turns away, studies the statue in front of her. "Something about your dad's arrest didn't add up, and we weren't being given any information. You were so upset, so I thought it might help if you had some closure. I started digging, and found some things. Monty had to help, because I'm not so good with software, but we've kept it secret, between us. It's finished now, what happened, but it's still better to not talk about it. Your dad shut down a group called Mount Weather with his arrest, Clarke. Do you remember a man named Cage Wallace?"

Clarke thinks back. "I think? Wasn't he arrested at the same time?"

Raven nods. "And killed in prison a month later. He was the rat. Your dad did good, and your mom helped, even if she didn't know it at the time. She understands it now, I think, but still hates herself for not realizing Jake was going to get locked up." She places her hand on her best friend's knee. "Look, I won't tell you to forgive her. I just know that she loves you, which is more than I can say about mine. Whatever you do with the information I gave you, it's on you to deal with it."

Clarke throws her arms around Raven. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Raven replies, squeezing her friend tight. "Now, you want to tell me about Bellamy? I'll buy you a beer."

"I'm not legal," she reminds her friends.

Raven rolls her eyes. "As if that's ever stopped us before."

It's well past one in the morning when she gets home. She's slightly tipsy off the beer Raven was able to slip her at a busy bar. "Goodnight," she giggles, presses her lips to Raven's shoulder as a way of goodbye.

Raven just waves her off as she stumbles into her own bedroom. Clarke suppresses another giggle as she kicks off her shoes and tumbles on to her bed. She's happy Raven is her friend, happy that that bar had her favorite beer. She flails around a bit on the bed for a pillow, and ends up smacking something instead. It feels like a head.

The lump in her bed groans. She squeaks and rolls off the bed in surprise. The lamp by her bed turns on, and she blinks rapidly in the change of light. Bellamy's head pokes over the side of her bed. "Clarke?"

"Bellamy?" she asks, smiling, until she remembers she's supposed to be mad at him, frowning instead. "What are you doing?"

"Waiting for you." He rubs at the back of his head. "Did you hit me?"

"No," she says too quickly. He raises an eyebrow at her. "It's dark," she defends herself.

He smirks. "Have a good time with Raven?

"Yeah," she answers, slowly standing on wobbly ankles, "and I would've enjoyed it more if I had found my bed empty."

He looks hurt, but she folds her arms across her chest, as if trying to physically keep his puppy-dog eyes from affecting her. "I was waiting for you so I could say sorry," he admits. "I shouldn't have said what I did about, you know, you being selfish."

She considers him, and sighs. She feels considerably more sober than she was when she first walked in through the door. "I'm sorry, too. You're right about my mom, I just, it's hard."

"I know," he softens, "I know it's hardest on you, and I'm sorry I forgot that for a minute."

She chews on her bottom lip. She's still a little tipsy, but even sober she can't stay mad at him for very long. "I forgive you," she says finally. "Now help me get ready for bed?"

He smiles, gets up to kiss her. "What should I do?"

"You could start by undressing me," she says, smirking at him. "You know how I like to sleep naked."

He groans before kissing her again. "You're going to be the death of me."

"Probably." She tugs on his lower lip with her teeth. "I plan on it, at least."

The next day Clarke calls her mother as Bellamy presses kisses to her shoulder. Her mother cries for the first five minutes, and the entire phone call is rocky, but it's a start. They decide to talk once every two weeks to start, and then see where that takes them, and they start that Sunday. In the meantime, Clarke writes her father to let him know that she's talking to Abby again, and reminds him she loves him. She doesn't mention Raven's story, just in case.

The next phone call with her mother is mostly comprised of small talk, until the very end of the conversation. "I'm glad to hear your classes are going well, Clarke. I hope your midterms won't be too bad. Do you think you'll all be able to come home for Thanksgiving this year?"

Clarke can hear the excitement in her mother's voice, and doesn't want to crush it, but at the same time, Clarke is still feeling very raw emotionally. "I don't know, Mom. We might just want to do it at the apartment again this year."

"Oh." Her mother's voice is soft over the phone, but she hears the hurt all the same.

Clarke sighs, deciding to extend an olive branch. "But maybe you could come here? You could bring Mr. Jaha, if you want." She knows Wells' dad is basically the extent of her mother's social life now, and figures yet another buffer at the dinner can't hurt. And, if he comes, that means Wells comes, too, which is always a plus.

"That sounds delightful!" Her mother's voice perks up. "I'll talk to him about it. Would you want me to bring anything? I can bring stuffing!"

"Thanksgiving is still like a month away, Mom," Clarke reminds her. "It's not even Halloween yet. But, I think Bellamy wants to do the stuffing this year anyways, so he can try one of Aurora's old recipes. Maybe gravy?"

"Okay." There's a beat of silence before Abby says, "I'm so glad you two are together, Clarke. I don't know if I've told you yet, but I'm very happy for you."

"Thanks, Mom," Clarke says, suddenly embarrassed.

"There's always been something about the two of you. You two've always gravitated towards each other, even when you've fought. It's good for you two to have each other." Abby sighs. "Well, I better get going. I have to leave for my shift in a few minutes here."

"Okay, Mom, talk to you in two weeks," Clarke promises.

"Love you, sweetheart," her mother says before she hangs up.

She goes to Bellamy's apartment pretty soon after that, and stretches across his bed as he tries to fold laundry. "Why do you even bother folding it? You should just stuff it in your dresser, like me."

"Because I'm actually an adult? I'm pretty sure you're just pretending to be one," he teases.

She retaliates by throwing a sock at his head. "Meanie."

"Stupid-head." He sticks his tongue out at her. "You wanna help?"

"No," she says petulantly, but begins to fold his shirts instead. "I talked to my mom today."

"I figured. It is Sunday, after all. How is she?" he asks, as he shifts piles of laundry.

She scoffs. "As if you two don't exchange emails already."

"It's not my fault I'm her favorite," he says smugly.

"I hate you," she says without heat. "She's fine. She wanted us to go home for Thanksgiving, but I told her she should come here instead. I don't want to go back to that house." There's a beat of silence. "She also told me she's happy for us."

"Phew. I was really worried your parents were going to hate me, like most parents hate most boyfriends." He grins at her, and the tension she felt about the whole Thanksgiving thing evaporates.

She smiles as she messes up his piles of laundry. "There, Mr. Funnypants, now what're you going to do?"

He tackles her back on the bed. "You realize you're going to have to help me redo that, right?"

She sighs. "I know."

He leans down, and kisses her quite thoroughly. Her lips slant under his, and she flicks her tongue at his lips. He opens them and slips his tongue into her mouth. She groans and shifts so he's lying in the cradle of her hips. "Clarke," he groans.

"Bellamy," she replies, grinning.

"I really have to finish folding my laundry," he says.

She rolls her hips into his, smiling smugly when he groans again. "Uh-huh," she teases. "Well, go ahead. I'm not stopping you."

He drops his head to the crook of her neck, and suddenly bites down. She squeals and tries to push him off. He lets go with a smacking sound. "Ha. Now you have a hickey."

"You wanna go, Blake?" she says, flipping them over. She tugs her shirt off. "It's on."

Later, when they're sweaty and exhausted, he reaches for her and curls around her. "For the record? I'm happy for us, too."

She smiles into his shoulder. "Me, too."


	7. how do you measure a year in the life (how about love)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from 'Seasons of Love' from Rent
> 
> Alright you guys, this is it! Last chapter in a fanfic that I was totally obsessed with. If you like my writing style or want more from this, my inbox is always open to prompts at book-pirate.tumblr.com. Hope you enjoy it!

"Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, your leaves are so saggy," Jasper sings as he tries to wrap the tree in tinsel.

Raven points at him threateningly with her screwdriver, stopping the tinkering she was doing with the lights. "Jasper, I swear to God I will shove this where the sun doesn't shine if you complain about that tree one more time."

"I wasn't complaining! That's the song, right?" He throws his hands up in the air, scattering the remaining tinsel.

Bellamy groans. "You're picking that up, you know that, right?" he asks. "Also, if I remember correctly, we'd have a better tree if _someone_ had remembered they'd volunteered to get it earlier."

"In my defense, we divided up tasks for Christmas when we were drunk." Wells' voice is muffled from under the couch, trying to reach for the lights that Gizmo has nested away. Raven's only got about half of the lights they're using, so Wells is attempting to retrieve the rest of them, but the cat keeps hissing and batting away his hand each time he tries to come close to the nest. Clarke thinks it's hilarious.

She's eating popcorn sitting on the counter of the kitchen where she can see everyone. Raven and Wick are fiddling with the lights and Bellamy's speakers, respectively. Bellamy had been a little nervous about letting Wick touch them, but Raven had said Wick was only mostly incompetent, which was high praise, so he gave them up pretty easily. Miller and Monty are dodging Jasper as they stick ornaments on the tree, and Lincoln and Bellamy are cooking, together, which is still a little shocking. After a silent size-up on both sides, Bellamy relented and let Lincoln share the kitchen with him. Lincoln is mostly a baker, and Bellamy is better at actual dinner food, so it's working out well. At least, so far. Clarke is still holding her breath.

Clarke shoves another handful of popcorn into her mouth, doing another look-over the room. "Hey guys, where's Octavia?"

Everyone pauses for a second, before Monty says, "I think she's still picking up her other friends? Fox and Atom and that new girl."

"Maya," Lincoln provides helpfully. "She's a transfer student."

"I'm still not 100% Shimer exists, fyi Lincoln," Raven tells him. She's at least pronouncing the name correctly now.

"I don't think even our dean thinks we exist, so I don't blame you," he says dryly, causing Clarke to choke on her popcorn.

Bellamy thumps her on her back as he stirs the stuffing. "You okay, babe?"

She makes a face. "I thought I told you not to call me that."

"Come up with a better nickname and I will." He turns the burner down and covers the pot.

This leads their friends shouting disgusting nicknames at them.

"Pookie!"

"Sweetums!"

"Cornflower!"

"Clarkey-poo!"

"Nookie!"

Clarke groans. "You know that's a euphemism for sex, right, Jasper?"

"Bubble-butt!"

"Okay, you are officially banned from this conversation, Jasper," Bellamy says firmly. "In fact, all of you shut up or I'm spitting in the food." This is enough to quiet the group, so he takes the chance to ask Clarke, "What time are your mom and Wells' dad showing up?"

"Six." Clarke shoves another handful of popcorn into her mouth. "I should probably work on vacuuming."

Raven makes a face at her. "Ugh, chew before you spew, please, Griffin."

"But it's seafood," Clarke chews loudly, "see?" She opens her mouth widely. "Food."

There's a chorus of groans from the apartment but Bellamy smacks a kiss to her cheek. "I'm so glad you're my girlfriend."

"I know, right? You really lucked out," she says with a grin. "But seriously, I should vacuum."

"Please wait until I've got the other lights," Wells pleads, still from under the couch.

"You should wait until Octavia comes back. She's the only one he listens to 100%," Clarke notes.

Raven rolls her eyes. "I'm so upset about it. Like, I bought him and named him. What a traitor."

"Octavia sort of makes everyone melt, though," Clarke points out.

Lincoln nods. "She does."

Bellamy looks like he's going to say something, but apparently thinks better of it. "Yeah," he agrees, "she does."

"Aw, are my two favorite men getting along?" the girl in question asks as she bursts into the room. "I'm so proud."

Lincoln has the slightest of smiles as Bellamy scowls. "Don't get used to it," he grumbles.

Clarke pinches his side and causes him to yelp. "Ignore him," she says. "He's secretly an old man. He can't help it."

"An old man you think is sexy," he says proudly. "Now who's the loser?"

Another chorus of groans breaks out. "Please not in front of my normal friends, guys. Some people actually think we're cool," Octavia pleads as Fox, Atom, and Maya file into the room after her.

"You guys go to Shimer," Wick says. "No one thinks you're cool."

Octavia flicks his forehead as she walks towards Lincoln. Fox takes more offense and starts telling him off, before Maya drags her away to help Jasper, who's still struggling with the tinsel. Jasper freezes as he takes in Maya.

She smiles sweetly at him. Fox, still annoyed at Wick (even though Clarke still remembers the first conversation they ever had), grumbles out an introduction. "Maya, Jasper. Jasper, Maya."

Jasper looks a little star struck, so Clarke leans down to Bellamy's ear, where he's started stirring mashed potatoes. "Ten bucks says Maya has to make the first move."

Bellamy snorts and looks over his shoulder at them. "Twenty says we have to push them together."

"Ooh, taking bets on Maya and Jasper already?" Octavia whispers as she sidles up to them. "I put thirty on Jasper trying to kiss her at midnight on New Year's Eve and failing."

"No one is stupid enough to take that bet, O," Bellamy says. "Hell, Fox had to kiss him to shut him up. He doesn't do well in romantic situations."

"Remember when he hyperventilated when he saw us kissing that first time?" Clarke asks. "He's pretty inept at that stuff."

"Too be fair, that was pretty gross." Octavia wrinkles her nose at them. "Not that we're not thrilled for you guys, but it's still kind of gross to see Mom and Dad going at it."

"Those nicknames aren't a thing!" Clarke protests.

Wells finally emerges from under the couch and drops the string of lights next to Raven, who gives him a "gracias." He smirks at Clarke and Bellamy. "Hate to break it to you guys, but it's totally a thing. Even I've started calling you that and I'm not even here for most of the year."

Clarke groans and thumps her head against the cupboards behind her. "I guess I have to live up to it now," she says with a dramatic sigh. "Let me see your boo boo, son."

Everyone cracks up as she carefully washes and bandages Wells' hand. "Thanks, Doctor Mom," he says with a cheery grin.

"That sounds like a terrible superhero name," she points out.

Miller comes in to the room and leans against the opposite counter. "What would that make Bellamy? Professor Dad?"

Clarke, Octavia, and Raven cackle. "God, we're lame," Octavia says with a grin.

Monty slides into the crowded kitchen. "Hey guys, check it out." He points his thumb over his shoulder towards Jasper and Maya, who are now talking quietly at the base of the tree, while Fox and Atom play with Gizmo, who has finally come out from under the couch. "Ten bucks says he has a two hour panic attack after she leaves."

"Alright, we officially have enough people to start a new chart," Octavia says as she pulls out her phone.

Clarke rests her head on Bellamy's shoulder. "Does this make us terrible people? I feel like we're terrible people."

"Yeah," he says, "but at least we acknowledge it. It could be worse, right?"

"I guess," she says skeptically. "Hey, I had ten on Maya making the first move but can I also put fifteen on Fox having to push her to do it?"

"Noted." Octavia taps away on her phone. "Okay, so far I've got Monty, Clarke, Bell, and me. Any more bets?"

Raven and Wick pool fifty on having to trick them into going on a date, and Miller bets a twenty on Jasper puking from nervousness before the first date. Even Lincoln chips in five dollars on Octavia's bet. She gives him a blinding smile. Bellamy pouts. "Suck up," he says to Lincoln, who blushes.

"Shut up," Octavia says cheerfully. "Alright, bets are closed."

"Hey!" Wells frowns. "I didn't get a chance to make a bet."

"You've won the last three," Clarke points out. "I don't think you're allowed to bet anymore."

"Hear, hear," Bellamy echoes.

"In the name of fairness..." Lincoln starts.

Octavia groans. "Okay, but you've got a maximum of five bucks."

"Mistletoe," he says with a grin.

"There isn't even any up!" Monty says with a gesture towards the ceiling.

"Oh, yeah, totally forgot to do that." Octavia claps Monty on the shoulder. "Thanks for reminding me."

"You're supporting the enemy!" Miller calls after her. "Don't do it, Blake."

Octavia flips him off as she walks off to find the mistletoe. "I do what I want, Miller!"

"So," Bellamy says as everyone files out of the kitchen, "wanna make out?"

"Oh God, yes," Clarke says as she grabs the front of his shirt. "We're going to get booze!" she calls over her shoulder cheerfully, leading him to the front door.

The look on Raven's face let her know her best friend isn't buying it for a second, but whatever. Clarke could not care less.

Dinner goes by smoothly, only a few awkward moments when Mr. Jaha and Abby make a comment that make the others squirm in their seats, but overall, Clarke counts it as a success. Bellamy and Lincoln are a force to be reckoned with in the kitchen, apparently, and this knowledge obviously makes him warm up to his sister's boyfriend a little bit more. It warms her heart when she sees them clink their glasses of eggnog together, and, as she catches Octavia's eye across the table, she knows the other girl feels the same way.

Soon after dinner, and after everyone is pleasantly buzzed, except for those driving, of course, Maya, Fox, Atom, Abby, and Mr. Jaha are putting on their coats. Suddenly Fox hip checks Maya towards Jasper, sending them both stumbling under mistletoe. "Kiss, kiss, kiss!" Monty, Fox and Atom chant. Maya and Jasper both blush, but it's ultimately Maya that reaches for his lips. It's short and sweet, and Jasper looks like he's going to faint, but Maya just smiles shyly and presses a paper with her phone number into his hand before she leaves with her two friends.

"So, Clarke and Wells win?" Octavia scratches her head. "I don't think this has ever happened before."

Wells and Clarke pay her no attention. "Pay up, bitches!" they crow.

Most of the group groan, except for the winners and Bellamy, who just presses a kiss to Clarke's cheek. "That's my girl," he says proudly. She blushes, and blushes harder when she sees her mother smiling at them fondly.

She then approaches her daughter before slips out of the door, and presses a piece of paper into Clarke's hand. "Call this number tomorrow afternoon, okay? It's your Christmas present." The older woman sweeps her daughter into a tight hug. "Never forget how much I love you, Clarke. Take care of her, Bellamy," she adds as she hugs him and Octavia, too.

"Always, Abby," he promises. 

They wave to the two adults, and the rest of the friends who aren't spending the night exit shortly after the gift exchange. Clarke presses a kiss to Jasper's cheek. "Best of luck, bud," she says with a smile.

He nods, still pale and in a daze as he stumbles out of the apartment.

"Does this count as a panic attack? I feel like it's a panic attack," Monty adds before he also exits, hand in hand with Miller.

"Goodbye, Monty," Octavia says firmly as she shuts the door on them. They hear Miller's muffled "rude", before their footsteps recede from the doorway.

Raven turns to Wick, Lincoln, Bellamy, and her actual roommates. "So," she says, clasping her hands together, "I feel that went well."

"Definitely could've gone worse," Octavia agrees before yawning. "Let's clean up tomorrow. I'm exhausted."

"Bell and I can put the food away, but yeah, I'm all for doing dishes tomorrow," Clarke agrees.

Lincoln offers to help, but she shoos him down the hallway with Octavia. She and Bellamy make quick work of the leftovers before stumbling for her bedroom. He pulls her in for a quick kiss before dropping face first on the bed. "I'm exhausted," he declares. "I'm going to sleep for a week."

"Me, too," Clarke announces as she flops down next to him. She rolls onto her back eventually though, trying to stretch her stiff back from the uncomfortable chairs they have at the table. She glances at the ceiling for a minute, absolutely perplexed, before bursting into laughter. She pokes her boyfriend in the side. "Bell, hey. Turn over."

He groans as he does so, but stops as he also looks up. The ceiling above their heads is littered with mistletoe, covering almost the entirety of what's directly over the bed. "Octavia," he says, half-laughing.

"Octavia," she echoes. She turns to her side to look at him. "I guess you owe me about a million kisses."

He smirks up at her. "You sure you're up for this? You ate the turkey like a champion eater."

She shoves at his shoulder. "Ass. For your information, I could go all night. What about you, old man?"

He rolls so he's on top of her. "Please," he scoffs, "it's you who has to prove it."

"I'm gonna kick your ass at having sex," she giggles as she flips them over, the exhaustion slipping from her bones and leaving her both aroused and excited.

As they undress each other amidst sloppy kisses and laughter, Clarke wonders if this feeling is ever going to stop, the arousal she feels steadily in his presence, the giddiness, the intense rush of _love_ he inspires. She prays fervently it doesn't because Bellamy is the best thing that has ever happened to her, and she can't imagine ever being this happy without him. She was happy with Lexa, she really was, but she wasn't her best friend, her partner, like Bellamy is, and that is exactly what she needs.

Later, when they're curled up in each other, she considers him in the shadows of her room. She pokes him in the side. "Hey, Bell?"

"Hmm?" he murmurs sleepily.

"Why didn't you kiss me under the mistletoe last year?" she asks. "I mean, I get why you wouldn't want to confess your undying love," he snorts, but she talks over it, "but you had mistletoe as your excuse. You could've totally gotten a kiss."

He cracks open an eyelid to look down at her. "I don't know. I guess I was afraid."

"Of what?" She pokes him again to keep him awake, but also because she likes doing it.

He catches her hand and intertwines their fingers. "Of your rejection. I've been in love with you for so long, I couldn't stand the idea of you not loving me the same way."

She's silent for a few moments. "You're kind of an idiot," she smiles as he pouts, but she continues, "but that's okay, so am I. According to Raven, I've been in love with you since I knew what love is, and she's not wrong."

His smile is blinding, and she's sure so's her own. "Oh yeah?" he asks.

"Yeah," she says softly, as she presses her lips to his. "I love you."

He pulls her over him, so she's sprawled against him. "I love you, too," he whispers, and kisses her deeply.

It's not long until she feels his arousal, and acts on it.

The next morning, or, afternoon really, she awakes to soft kisses on her shoulder. She turns with a giggle to Bellamy, completely naked in her bed, just as he was last night. Before she can heat things up, he pulls back a little. She pouts, so he presses a kiss to her nose. "I thought you might want to call that number your mom gave you," he says, "and then we can do whatever you want."

"Whatever I want?" she asks slyly, taking a finger and trailing it down his chest.

He groans and catches her hand. "Come on, Princess. Call the number."

She pouts again, but she does as he says. She sits up as she waits for it to the person on the other side of the line to pick up.

"Hello?" a familiar male voice greets her on the phone.

She gasps, and feels herself tear up. "Daddy?"

"Clarke." She can feel the relief in his tone. Bellamy sits straight up and wraps an arm around her waist, tense behind her.

"What's going on? Mom gave me this number, but she didn't say anything else," she explains, gripping Bellamy's arm tightly.

"I'm coming home in two months, Clarke. The charges got overturned, and dropped. Instead of six years, it's two more months," her father explains happily, choking up.

She lets her tears fall freely. "Oh my God, Dad, this is the best Christmas present ever. I've missed you so much. I can't wait."

"I know, sweetie, I know." Her father clears his throat. "I have to go, but I can't wait to see you."

"Me, too, Dad, me, too." She sniffles. "I love you."

"I love you, too, sweetheart. I'll see you soon," he promises before he hangs up.

She clutches her phone to her chest for a moment, before Bellamy asks, "What's going on?"

"Dad is coming home in two months, Bell," she says with a smile and eyes bright with tears. "He's being set free."

Bellamy pulls her into a bruising kiss. "I'm so happy, love."

"I love that nickname," she confesses, giddy with happiness. "I have to tell Raven and Octavia." She leaps out of the bed and tugs on Bellamy's shirt and her pants, running out of the room, knocking frantically on her roommates' doors. "Guys, guys, I have news!"

She hears matching groans as Raven and Octavia stumble out of their bedrooms. "What the hell is this important this early?" Octavia grumbles.

"Are you pregnant?" Raven asks seriously.

"What? No!" She scrunches up her nose, before grinning again. "My dad is coming home in two months!"

The girls stare at her in shock before tackling her into a hug, squealing in excitement. "Jake's coming home, Jake's coming home," they chant as the collapse onto the floor, laughing and crying.

Hours later, as her friends congregate at the sleazy bar that has started to feel like home, Clarke turns to Bellamy, burying her face in his shoulder. "I'm so happy, Bell. Do you think this is going to last? It doesn't feel real."

Bellamy pulls her into a crushing hug. "It's going to be great, Princess, I promise you. And, I'll be here to make sure it stays that way."

She smiles and kisses him. Even though she'll probably still fight him from time to time, and her friends still have what's going to happen after school to worry about, the hope bursting in her chest makes her feel that anything is possible, especially with her loved ones at her side.

_____________________________

_I want you to know_  
_That it's our time_  
_You and me_  
_Bleed the same light_  
_I want you to know_  
_That I'm all yours_  
_You and me_  
_Run the same course_  
_\- Zedd_


End file.
